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VPC6: ROUND 4 – Stand and Deliver

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Stand and Deliver
Round 4

Stand and deliver, you lyrical knaves and you DAW desperadoes!

The fourth round of the VPC is upon us and the Czarina has decreed that the melee is to commence post haste and without delay! But, the weapons of this melee are being expressly decided upon to limit the savagery and supreme saltiness that could arise from a less honorable contest of verbiage and virtuosity. And the weapons that have been elected to be the tools of this test of talent are – characters from the domain of literature, both classic and modern.

Right, now that we got all of that high brow verbosity out of the way, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Vocalists, you need to bring your baddest, maddest most raddest battle rap / diss tracks, but doing so IN CHARACTER of the character assigned to your teams. I’d spend some time learning the ins and outs of who you’ve been assigned, get to know them well, and become one with them.

The duals!

Producers, you’ve got a lot of free reign on how you want to design your beats. The only thing that we ask of you is that you incorporate a sample in your song from any form of existing media relating to your book. You can use samples from movies if it’s been made into a movie, audio books, TV shows, theatrical productions, the options are almost endless.

You will have an extra week for this challenge, due to holidays. I’d advise you to invest the time well and get to reading!

R4 Participant Entries:

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    01. MAN DOWN (Harry Potter - A Hagrid diss)
    White Hippy

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    Who pit the queen against the shoe shiner?

    Watch me sit back and win this battle with my wand behind her

    No co-signs hit the top by my own wit

    Middle finger to the muggles and the cursed squibs

    This is the power of a pure breed

    No daddy issues

    No, that man, he is dead to me

    Side bar:

    With this magic I can make fam disappear

    Imagine what I could do to yours if you get too near


    You ain’t got that problem

    But I see who you love

    And baby, I can solve em’

    Where your loyalty lies

    The same place they’ll die

    Everything that I touch- deceased or sanctified




    What I gotta do to get this check?

    Mate, on a mission?

    I’m finna Intercept

    I stay in position

    Until I hit thee X



    You never finished school- listen here

    Living vicariously through the musketeers


    Forget a wand

    Dobby, bring that musket here

    I’m fiending to end this man’s whole volatile career

    No, I’m not triggered

    I’m trigger happy

    I guess it’s fish for din

    Tonight I am feeling so snappy

    This big, gruff, lame, soft lookin’ ugly mutha f’er

    ‘Bout to clearly hit the stretcher

    With my heel up in his snatcher


    Do I have a big enough body bag?


    Imma show y’all where the true giant at

    Don’t rep Gryffindor but I am a lioness

    Imma fee-fi-fo-fum where his body is


    Tyrannical tyrant

    I leave em’ on island

    I’m a constant aspirant

    I Slither in silence

    And uh

    Don’t care who I have to Raven Claw

    Imma Huff and Puff and blow your hut down

    Wall to wall


    Who here is head master?

    I’m the master at taking heads

    No guillotine faster than this

    I pity the fool who falls victim to my dread lock

    Medusa glare

    Y’all my stepping stones


    Got Fudge and the ministry deadlocked

    No, I’m not the one that you really want to criss-cross

    Mrs. Big Boss

    You can’t keep a secret

    Tell em’ all that I should’ve been the prefect

    But I’m back, boys

    Don’t worry

    If I die

    I resurrect

    That’s the Order of the Phoenix

    And it’s all in effect


    Big clit energy

    With dementor’s kiss

    Sucking souls out of men

    Like a dominatrix

    Classic case of the bigger they are

    The harder they fall

    Hagrid ain’t ready at all

    I’m writing the law

    Second to put a scar on Harry

    Only thing you’re good at is carrying bodies to be buried

    Mic drop.

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    Beaker: Beat: 6 Raps: 8 Challenge: 9
    The character of Dolores Umbridge is very present here and the idea of that character finally coming for blood is super appealing. I dont get the hook – I mean I get it and its ok but there were so many other options for this track… not super bad but it breaks the feel of the track and takes the listener out of the HP character battle. Lots of good punches and very solid flow in the verses makes up for it for me tho. SLAPS would spin again.
    This beat is above the bar for a Harry Potter character challenge – its executed very nicely and the lead instrument selections are a perfect fit for the spirit of the challenge. The kick lead is heavy and buzzy especially on the hook. The mix is rough with a lot of stuff occupying the low end but it sounds good in a radio-recorded 90s type of feel. great approach to the challenge – this beat would fit nicely in any luigis mansion style spooker and I think a beat tape in this fashion would be super popular around halloween time
    MC Lars: 8
    Great flow, but the mix is a bit hard to hear the vocals. Could benefit from more effects on the vocals, they are a bit draw. But, the energy is heavy and it’s a winner! Flow is next level
    Richie: 9
    Flow crazy on this one. love the vocalist’s energy on this track… “No i’m not triggered, I’m trigger happy”… okay. I like the hook, very catchy and it adds an extra dimention to the character, which I’m okay with.
    THIS BEAT SLAPS. That 808 tho. Love the way the sample is flipped on this one. Vocals sound good in the mix. The “what I gotta do to get this check” vox during the hook could be a hair louder, but other than that I like the mix.
    Public: 9

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    01. Swagrid (Harry Potter - A Dolores Umbridge diss)
    Kaiju No Uta

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    Just Sippin on that truth serum and Polyjuice, wanted to take the form of my favorite rapper for this one.

    Dolores Umbridge: a ugly name full of sorrow for a ugly witch…. I mean bitch

    6 foot 7 foot 8 foot, not me
    I’m 11 feet tall, you can try me
    With ya frumpy ass face lookin like a toad
    Ya No neck bitch look paler than a reaper, yo

    If i was ya mom I’d leave ya ugly ass too,
    save your muggle brother and act like I never had you.
    Call me a half breed? Pot, call the kettle black
    You’re a whole piece of trash that deserves to get a bitch slap

    Rubeus, on the mic I be spitting it
    House Gryffindor, check the team, I be reppin it
    I’m the gate keeper with some monsters that I call pets
    Diagon Alley gangster and a Wizarding War vet

    And who was you, a ugly snake no one cared about
    I heard that other Slytherin were wishing they could kick you out
    Crazy bitch, you give the color pink a bad name
    you’re a racist hypocrite who lies and cheats to get her way

    I know you hate me and trust me, the feelings mutual
    I’m glad they locked you up in Azkaban, that day was beautiful
    I been there once before and its like your true personality
    And to think, that’s where you’re staying for the rest of your reality

    I find it funny how you call yourself a pure blood
    You’re purely full of shit like the toilets ya dad be cleaning up
    Im guessing it was destiny, the way it worked out
    I’m sure you’re cleaning toilets with them shackles around your ankles now

    Maybe you’re mad cause nobody wants to sleep with you
    Probably die a virgin, bet the prison wouldnt fuck you too
    Ugly hoe, I bet you never even seen a dick
    The only dick you seen is ya daddy’s when you came out of it

    Acting like a fat Bellatrix,
    You think you really tough with your prissy little cat shit
    You act hard, but I bet you turn pussy quick
    When you hear them hooves cackalacking, that’ll do the trick

    Real shit, I must not tell lies
    On any other day, I wouldnt even harm a fly
    With that said, I wrestled trolls that would eat you
    Whats your puny lil wand gonna do? Take a seat, boo.

    Cause one on one, I would beat you like a willow tree
    My hands could do more damage than a werewolf on a killing spree
    So they made the handicap so “we can do this verbally”
    Muggleborn vs halfbreed, get a piece of me.

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    Beaker: Beat: 7 Bars: 9.5 Challenge: 9 WINNER BY KNOCKOUT
    flow is nerdcore af but the punches here are what I am looking for in a character battle. Each bar is referential and ends with a punch. this is a battle track from start to finish and the vocals are out front to make sure the listerns hear each searing cut. some of the bars are a little simple but the HP references balance it out – plus its not like diss bars are supposed to provide a deep psychoanalysis – sometimes you can just say somebody sucks.
    Beat is simple but simple in a way you expect from a diss track or battle track. the lead is simple and effective for the challenge requirements – the beat drops to accent some harder punches and carries the vocals appropriately. there is a little switch up in the percs toward the end but its too little too late to really improve the beat. really solid offering
    MC Lars: 7
    I do like the flow and beat, but I think the raps could be recorded on a better microphone. Also could benefit from “doubles” on the verses but awesome!
    Richie: 8.5
    straight bars, no hook. ok this is a real diss track, lol. Love how every bar is a punchline. Very authentic vocal performance, the delivery felt like the lyricist really had beef. Kudos on that. Even hit Dolores with the low blow sexual bars, lol… good shit. Felt the flow could be a bit tighter in certain parts, but overall I enjoyed this effort.
    beat was cool, sort of perfect for a battle track, honestly. would have liked to hear a bit more variety in the beat, especially given the fact that the song is one long verse. Maybe a few drops during the best punchlines for emphasis. I thought the vocals sounded good, but could be EQ’ed just a smiddddddge better to remove muddiness.
    Public: 6.5

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    01. From the Dreadfort With Love (Game of Thrones - A King Joffrey diss)
    Anti Hero

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    first off fuck ur bitch and the banners you hang
    were about to take it slow and fuck with your brains
    like oh, you like sick shit, arrows in dames
    my bad I mean bolts…. and boltons the name

    and boltins’ what ya gonna do the hunt is on
    kill a stag cause hes lion , whistle for my dogs
    then your life will expire, as your soul moves on
    you hear me turn ice and fire to a bolton song

    Ill fuckin ill fuckin
    take the hand of the king and invite him in
    cut your finger tips off to get under your skin
    then tell you ,ya lost your touch with a big ol grin

    product of incest, with deadly intrests
    we know that boy aint right and i aint impressed
    we know that boy cant fight, punk is weak hearted
    your unc is ur dad right? fuckin retarded…

    dont get flayed for thinking times are stark,
    winter been came and our blades are sharp x4

    I sent you raven just so the score shows
    ramsey bolton turned lord by gettin rid of snow
    im a big game hunter just so we get this clear
    i dont mind taking shots at a pussy cat my dear

    so knock if your buck, but u aint doe faker
    young bolton got that word play, like a play maker
    see it hurts me to kill you I feel ill in pain
    ramseys over here cookin while yall playin games

    ill give u 4 more bars till this track is wrecked
    if you wanna kill a monstor aim for the neck
    that just means now im after your moms in stead
    fuck the lion queen, I get off with her head

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    Beaker: Beat: 6 Bars: 6 Challenge: 7
    good flow and solid punches – nothing to jaw breaking but solid ‘oooooh damn’ moments. its too bad you called out your dogs given the opponents response. a couple of lines limped in there but over all good shots and references to other characters and plot points – that get off on the head line was brutal
    very simple with some top level mixing issues, this beat comes off like track that took a while to make and a mix that took 10 minutes. the drum line is one of my favorite pieces but we cant hear it… that tom routine brings a war march type of feel to the beat but its buried. Vocal fx werent really necessary
    MC Lars: 7
    I do like the flow, but I think the beat could be faster and more energetic, maybe with a faster high hat… but it’s a dope song and I like the hook
    Richie: 6.5
    flow is good, felt like there could have been more energy in the delivery… it seemed a tad too chill for a diss track. Thought the bars were straight. In terms of song structure, I felt the “off with her head” and other refrains were unneccesary.
    beat is cool, but is done a disservice by the overall song mix. The kick feels like it’s drowning in the mix. Vocals are clearly heard, but sound a bit overcompressed.
    Public: 6

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    01. Where My Dogs At (Game of Thrones - A Ramsay Bolton diss)

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    once a bastard always a bastard isn’t that right?

    check the crown the robes the gold and the chrome
    unlike micheal bolton i’ve sat on the throne

    pick up the phone i called it on the dragons
    the best lay you had you paid for in a wagon

    i walked into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb
    told my ex wife to get the fuck out my home

    lets talk about you wife lets talk about my wife
    the only one willing to fuck you is life ( l i a f )

    why wreck sansa when is reek who always beckons?
    cause you slobbering up all my sloppy seconds

    lets cut to the chase lets get to the quick
    i wouldn’t fuck you with reek’s dick

    you could never best me in trial by combat
    the dead miller called and wants your mum back

    compared to you i’ve got my royalty mastered
    cause bastard is a bastard is a bastard is a bastard

    you can do the seven sins
    defile the gods is seven ways
    the worst thing you did
    is starve your dogs for seven days

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    Beaker: Beat: 8 Bars: 10 Challenge: 9 WINNER BY KNOCKOUT
    each of these bars stings like something that smug little shit would have actually thrown during a rap battle – from the perspective of hte charachters gill slaughtered this battle, calling out the wives thing particularly tickeled me. using the dogs trope in the hook and giving it a little twist for the challenge fits like hand in glove. this track, even though just a single verse and hook, is a masterclass in charcter assassination via rap battle.
    Really solid beat with lots of deep mixed bass lines filling out the speakers – vocals are mixed very nicely and sound crystal clear. The lead syth and bass synth come together to make a great beat but Im not sure it calls directly to GoT until you hit the hook, which is the best part of the track but only hits once. that outro could have given a doubleup on the hook but you needed to get some more samples in and i get that – next time just do another verse -_-
    MC Lars: 6
    I think a laissez faire flow is good, but this jam kind of loses me after a bit. Maybe trying to keep the rapper’s real accent would have made it work better. Beat is awesome.
    Richie: 7
    very good in-character rap here. felt like it actually could have came from King Joffrey himself, lol. Flow could be tighter in places, and i felt the song could have been a bit longer, since like… 1/3rd of the song is “where my dogs at”, lol.
    beat is cool, love the synth elements and the bassline. I’m not a fan of the synth strings that come in when the rap starts, they’re not as punchy as the ones used in the intro. Vox sound clear, the reverb could be toned down just a tiny bit.
    Public: 7

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    01. Super Creep (Twilight - An Edward diss)
    Sailor Doom

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    Yo! It’s Sailor Doom with the Boom, coming back again

    Here today to diss Edward Cullen

    With a rap sheet as long as the river – nile

    He’s a super cringey menace whose a pedophile

    And I’m not talkin R Kelly, though, thats a comparison

    You like to groom girls, i’ll call you Onision

    co-dependent stage five clinger, yeah you like to hold on

    Acting like you’re mister perfect, when you’re really mister wrong

    Got Bram Stoker rolling in his grave

    Making teenage girls wanna misbehave

    Claiming you’re a lover but you put em in harm’s way

    Love em and leave em in the woods on display

    You’ve got no worth, resorted to a Mary Sue

    Who has zero personality and hasn’t got a clue

    You traumatize, and analyze, while you watch me sleep

    but all along we knew that you were a super creep]

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cullen

    Go runnin to your coven, put buns all in my oven

    You’re an old dinosaur chasing girls in the school yard

    (Fuck you Edward Cullen cause you suck so haaard)

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Edward

    If I’m being honest, I don’t like being censored

    I’ll let you in my mind, just for one time,

    I’ll tell you what I think, you’re a

    SUPER CREEP (super creep)
    A SUPER CREEP (super creep)

    Remember the time we met you wanted me badly?

    my blood like nerdcore meow wants Chadley

    The initial attraction was due to your hunger

    And how you shimmer like a jeffree star highlighter

    You’re controlling making every decision for me

    Who I can be friends with, if we’re keeping the baby

    If i’m fated for a vampiric destiny

    Baby I think you’re just a brooding drama queen

    First you’re stalkin and followin me everywhere

    But then I get whiplash when you disappear

    I’m a human not a play toy, I’m not a yoyo

    But I think it time for you to go go

    Oooooo, ohhh noooo (super creep! super creep!)

    Yeah you got me so good

    In the stockholm syndrome mindset

    Come on boys and girls, now, places your bets

    Are you team jacob or team edward

    My whole love triangle is aka-awkward

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cullen

    Go runnin to your coven, put buns all in my oven

    You’re an old dinosaur chasing girls in the school yard

    (Fuck you Edward Cullen cause you suck so haaard)

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Edward

    If I’m being honest, I don’t like being censored

    I’ll let you in my mind, just for one time,

    I’ll tell you what I think, you’re a

    SUPER CREEP (super creep)
    A SUPER CREEP (super creep)

    You’re a bitch boi in black whose throwing a tiff

    Because even in your own coven you’re a misfit

    And now you’ve chosen me, over rosalie

    Over a gaggle of girls, who will never see

    How much of a monster you’ve become

    Think about all the things carlisle has done

    All just to keep a promise to your mother

    And how you’ve prolonged to just fail your daughter

    ( SUPER CREEP! )

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cullen

    Go runnin to your coven, put buns all in my oven

    You’re an old dinosaur chasing girls in the school yard

    (Fuck you Edward Cullen cause you suck so haaard)

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Edward

    If I’m being honest, I don’t like being censored

    I’ll let you in my mind, just for one time,

    I’ll tell you what I think, you’re a

    SUPER CREEP (super creep)
    A SUPER CREEP (super creep)

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    Beaker: Beat: 9 Raps: 8 Challenge: 8
    great vocals, as expected, with some really solid shots fired in the verses. the hook is a little bit of a let down, just because TTE took the battle theme to heart. this pop track satisfies the challenges and really does embrace the character delivering the track in a way you might expect the character to. very nice harmonies and those high notes sound crisp – really great job and very fun to listen to. just damn, sorry about the murder.
    This track is a ton of fun – unfortunately your opponents didnt do fun lol. really great dirty pop beat, awesome bass and synth work. modulation and fx layers are all much better than previous rounds and sound has much imrpoved. vocal processing is excellent this round and JHS has figured out how to really work with twills vocals. the mix is super clean and clearly had a lot of care put in to it, noting the levels and clean delivery across twills wide range. super hot. sorry about the murder.
    MC Lars: 9
    Love the flow of course! Hook is awesome. This song is funny and awesome, nice work!
    Richie: 9
    Great songwriting here. Way to shape the challenge to your style vs. letting the challenge shape you. Love the energy put into the vocal performance.
    beat was really dope, fits the vocalist’s style really well. Love the evolution in the beat over time, and yeah… I totally caught that One Winged Angel flip, well fucking done. I felt the kick gets drowned in the mix at times, . I like the vocal mix, maybe a little more high-pass filter, but otherwise, solid work.
    Public: 8

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    01. Immortal & Rich (Twilight - A Bella Swan diss)
    Thot Team Epic

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    how much old man dick you suck
    to get cast in this piece of garbage movie?
    did they tell you to act like some soulless basic ho
    with a twig stuck up her coochie?
    cause you do that shit real well.
    remember that part where I threw up in my mouth a little?
    cause your stank ass puss entered the room?
    BOOM! That wasn’t no act!

    too flat chested to titty fuck, bitch, you were my pity fuck!
    you wet diaper in bed, bitch, you are a shitty fuck!
    you ain’t never been pretty, you ain’t never been witty!
    imma chop off your head, cause your head game is shitty!
    imma shit down your neck – why the fuck would I bite it?
    because if I sucked your blood, bitch, I’d get hepatitis!
    bitch, you on some bestiality shit; nasty flea infested clit;
    werewolf boy toy sniffin asshole; pussy full of dog dick!

    ho, you couldn’t pay me to fuck that slit; wouldn’t touch that gash with a tampon!
    better wax that upper lip; too fugly to fuck with the lamp on!
    so your dad’s a cop? I’m take him to slaughter!
    ain’t no muslim – still won’t fuck a pig’s daughter!
    trying to baby trap me, wannabe vampire yuppie?
    go fuck your furry boyfriend; have a litter of puppies!
    you said you couldn’t get pregnant, but you a lying slut!
    I’d rather dig up your dead mother; bust a nut in her butt!

    i’m immortal and rich
    you’re a whore and bitch
    you’re dad is a cop
    so that make you a snitch

    i’m immortal and rich
    you’re a whore and bitch
    you got canine aids
    your blood makes me sick

    let’s see you twist those skinny lips
    like you got some shit pasted under your nose
    making some sniffy, little, baby sounds ho
    face looking like a cutting board
    beat with some ugly stick
    imma pass on that ass so fast
    it’ll make your head spin bitch

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    Beaker: Beat: 9 Raps: 10 Challenge: 10 WINNER BY HOMICIDE
    O_O;;; jesus christ.
    This beat is probably all it needed to be for UK to hand it over and get out of the way… which is exactly what I would have done. jesus christ.
    MC Lars: 7
    Amazing beat and I love the effect on the vocals. Very 2011-era Odd Future. Foul language is okay, I couldn’t get away with it, but I like that this is really a battle rap.
    Richie: 9
    pussy full of dog dick? DAMN… these some of the most vicous bars of the round. I like the hook, lmao… that shit was perfect. I do wish there was an additional verse, the “immortal and rich” hook at the end felt like it went on for a little too long.
    Beat was really good, thought the vocals, that low end is heavy, but not too overbearing. Perfect. Vocals sound really good in the mix, though I’m not sure I’m a fan of some of the effects used during the “immortal and rich” parts later in the song. All in all, this team continues to improve every round, I’m digging the progress.
    Public: 7.5

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    01. Have You Seen Me (Fight Club - a Narrator diss)

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    You were a dog with no bite, til I became your teeth
    I’m the cure for your insomnia, your grasp became my reach
    I put you in the mattress, go head and go to sleep
    I’m hanging out with Marla and you know we never sleep
    She said her name was Singer, I made that bitch a screamer
    But you’re too much of a pussy to hold your nuts to fuckin cream her
    Byyin furniture and dishes, Savin up to buy a beamer
    Like the world ain’t fucking drownin, while you wait for a redeemer
    And that redeemer is me – the big man, TD
    You couldn’t pick up girls at a support group for STDs
    While they whine about the ways that they all got VD
    Got no time for this, need mayhem on your TV
    Hey yo I blew up your condo – That shit was fire
    The only time I was proud of you, was when you got fucking fired
    I’m your personal Jesus, it was my fist that hit you
    You ain’t shit all without me, use your own mouth to diss you
    You were lucky to meet me cause your life’s fucking dull
    Time to suck on some metal and blow a hole in your skull
    Or better yet, lemme drive, you take a nap in the back
    You’re good for sleepin and shittin and getting stabbed in the back
    And I’m the knife and the hand that wields it
    You couldn’t sleep til you cried your feelins
    You think that you stopped me, that I couldn’t beat ya
    But I know I’ll outlive you – you can’t kill an idea

    I’m a beast, I’m a dog, I’m your lack of respect
    There’s no peace and no gods, put my pistol to your head
    Open up and eat the lead, go and get this daily bread
    There’s no father to meet you, cause God is fucking dead
    And we’re dancing on the corpses of the ones who came before us
    Our Depression is depression, like the world’s been set up for us
    We’ve been sent right up the river, sell us back in little pieces
    Then we fill the hole they made in us with tables from ikea
    Your whole life’s a dirty scheme, and you never would have known it
    When we had an opportunity, so of course you fuckin blowed it
    You’re a milquetoast, maladjusted, malcontented moron
    I’m the single most exciting thing to happen in your story
    How’d it feel to punch your face in – I hope it fucking hurt
    Some bruises and some cuts could never make that shit look worse
    I’m a God from Mount Olympus, you’re a maggot in the dirt
    I won’t even spare the oxygen to reload on this verse
    I made soap from the rich and it would have burned like pitch
    Now everyone works for a living, dies and gets thrown in the ditch
    make our children go hungry, and our mothers turn tricks
    Got our sisters on Instagram selling thirst to the kids
    But as long as you’re comfortable, what do you give a shit?
    As long as there’s something to chase, as long as people get rich
    As long as your nest gets filled with shiny pieces and bits
    Yeah you shot us in the face, but I still fucked your bitch

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    Beaker: Beat: 7 Raps: 8 Challenge: 8
    I would only change one thing about the vocalist side of this track and that would be the delivery – the bars in this track are clever and searing in the same way the character delivers his lines in the source material, but its lacking either anger or annui, but the punches needed a little more feeling. bars are tight af but its like open hand slapping a bitch with knuckles on. dont just display the power – abuse it. that shit was fire – second best line of the round
    solid beat for the source material – samples and lead cuts are very tasty but mixed a little low – this beat is killer and simple so I want each element mixed to standout, in this case everything is nesteled and blends together a bit. the work on the hook is very nice, with the additional instruments helping build up a sense of urgency that makes the bars hit that much harder. tighten up the mix – this is a solid track
    MC Lars: 7
    I think the vocals are a bit hurried. I love the synths in the chorus and how serious this song sounds, definitely different. The rapper has a lot fo swag.
    Richie: 7.5
    I’m digging the lyrics on this one. LMAO at that support group for STDS line… that stings. Sometimes I feel the energy of the vocal performance could be a little higher in intensity.
    that drum break, very very nice! Felt the main synth melody sort of overpowers the drums and vox in the mix, but otherwise I like this beat. Vox sound good.
    Public: 7.5

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    01. Jack's Smirking Revenge (Fight Club - A Tyler Durden diss)
    Primal Winds

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    This rap evolves him, get ready to brawl slim,
    slap more titty fat then Robert Paulson //
    the modern culprit from an occult flick waltzed in,
    blackmailed the boss so we can watch adult swim //

    Im just an average joe that thinks there’s more to life,
    formed a club with my bro cause it’s dope to fight //
    I’m broken like, a door that doesn’t open right,
    with multiple personalities just to cope with life //

    Here to slide on the slippery side of the slope,
    still learning how to trust while my heart is broke //
    this part is woke, ain’t a regular bar of soap,
    take ya hands off the wheel, leave my car in smoke //

    All fear to be in debt don’t be afraid to reinvent,
    we aware of the effects with your imaginary friend //
    I used to care so much about my new IKEA set,
    now I’m explaining myself to a bunch of Chia Pet //

    Hook x2

    If you got guts? Then come test your luck,
    when ya life sucks, we’re here to fuck shit up //
    put up ya dukes, the system is corrupt,
    we got the juice to blow this shit up //


    Some would call him a genius, others call him insane,
    nothing hits the spot more than self inflicted pain //
    live in the moment, nothings ever what it seems,
    it’s a strange time in my life to meet the women of my dreams //

    Listen closely or we cutting off your Ben Wa,
    the people you are after are the people you depend on //
    embrace all the changes or do nothing and surrender,
    no matter what you do there’s no stopping the agenda //

    So diabolic, you’re not the contents of your wallet,
    beat you to a bloody pulp, make you wanna vomit //
    it’s ironic he’s the same person causing all this trauma,
    either way you look at it you know that your a goner //

    It’s to no lack of surprise I’ve gone off the deep end,
    all the therapy in the world couldn’t fix me friend //
    waking up wondering how ya ended on a street bench,
    taking matters into my own hands it’s Jack’s smirking revenge //

    Hook x2

    If you got guts? Then come test your luck,
    when ya life sucks, we’re here to fuck shit up //
    put up ya dukes, the system is corrupt,
    we got the juice to blow this shit up //

    Verse 3

    I’m the voice in your head that always narrating,
    got so many walls up! It’s barricading //
    can’t fix the arrogant so we out here arrogating,
    losing touch with reality! Is a fair statement //

    Whatever your tactic, I’m borderline batshit,
    life’s always interesting wit a little more havoc //
    losing my brain just like ya losing your chapstick,
    there’s more where that came from, give you a fat lip //

    Breaking the fourth wall telling y’all a sequence,
    filling in the gaps with more raps then these gents,
    It’s always more den greener on the other side of the fence,
    If only the voice in his head was Morgan Freeman’s //

    After project mayhem and the debris settling,
    we’re not here to play fam, this track is menacing //
    nothing like a dose of reality for medicine,
    only after we lost it all, we’re free to do anything //


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    Beaker: Beat: 9 Bars: 9 Challenge: 10 WINNER BY DECISION
    start to finish these bars came for blood – really fun source material almost lends itself to this challenge, and channeling the spirit of the smug ass narrator from fight club seems effortless for this team. solid punches and meta references hit just as hard as any punch in fight club
    excellent battle beat – intro sample from teh movie is immediately identifiable and vocal sample hits home – drops in to a heavy fuckin beat with nice turntablism elements. this shit is raw and hits hard, clean mix, highly effective. not a lot of variety but variety isnt necessary here. just a hard hitting vessle to carry some hard hitting bars. really nice.
    MC Lars: 7
    The hook is awesome, and I like how well the beat flows with the lyrics. I do think the beat could have more drops and variation, but otherwise pretty dope
    Richie: 8.5
    i mean… shit… this song is a head bobber for sure. I enjoyed the flow and the multis… the lyricist is definitely an astute student of hip-hop. Hook was dope, I threw my hands up, lol.
    that beat is a vibe, classic hiphop shit… perfect for a battle rap track. love the grittiness of the instruental. Vocals sound dope, but could stand out a just a hair more in the mix. what might help is dropping the beat out at the end of certain bars, for emphasis.
    Public: 7

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    01. You Should Stop (Hamlet - A Hamlet Diss)

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    Don’t you speak on my name. First off that’s crazy

    I’ll slap you with the handkerchief reserved for my ladies

    Just because we hit the same school and maybe partied some

    Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t cut you down like Spartacus

    You can’t protect your pops

    And you can’t protect your birthright

    Meanwhile I’m at court rising to absurd heights

    Don’t you believe your cursed hype

    Look I’m not too eloquent to put these hands on you

    If you’re thinking we should first fight

    Before discussing any differences between

    A court appointed boss and soft, mad teen

    All you do is think too much, and act mean

    But you just get it wrong when you attempt bad things

    You could’ve pulled Ophelia even helped her climax

    Instead you got us questioning your mental health for 5 acts

    And don’t deny that

    You ain’t getting no action once you tell her to go to where the hoes reside at


    When you can’t seem to get anything right

    You should stop

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t your failures make it feel like

    You should stop

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t you keep going

    Mad Prince running around and claiming to seek out justice

    But too much of a coward to discuss this

    You’re not fit to inherit what your weak pops could’ve left ya

    You’re too much like Caligula, but I feel like Augustus

    Sneaking around like the whole cast hasn’t heard of ya

    Swearing you’re a cold killer when you’re just an accident murderer

    Come on…Don’t you think you could’ve pulled that curtain back?

    Assess the situation first. Haven’t heard of that?

    Guess your ghost homie didn’t tell you enough

    Got you scheming, but those plans have been incredibly dumb

    Surround yourself with yes men who swear that you’re tough

    Tell Horatio to backbone up and help you for once

    And stop crying about your loss when she’s the one you could’ve had piped

    I mean, “What a piece of work is a man”, right?

    You try to hatch a clean plan and see futility

    And signed your death warrant with your stupidity


    When you can’t seem to get anything right

    You should stop

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t your failures make it feel like

    You should stop

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t you keep going

    You could’ve got the job done without the blood overload

    But couldn’t because you were too concerned for where his soul would go

    Could enjoyed him bleeding out like tomato juice

    But instead, yet again, you were a failure, dude


    When you can’t seem to get anything right

    You should stop

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t your failures make it feel like

    You should stop

    Don’t you keep going

    Don’t you keep going

  • addJudge scores

    Beaker: Beat: 8 Bars: 9 Challenge: 8 BATTLE DRAW
    this is a full blown fuck you song to a character from classical literature. somebody send these bars to watsky and get erboh back on youtube – give desh a spot. the hook almost pissed me off in this track for two reasons. first of all its a drastic departure from the feel of the verses especially when each verse starts with big fu punches. face melting battle bars and essentially a full report on hamlet this track topples every expectation of the round and is another great example of what i was expecting from this round
    hamlet is a good example of a super famous piece of work without a ton of samplable material (at least usable material) so its on the producer to fill in the gaps and create a soundscape that fits the spirit of the challenge and track. instead solo crafted this track to match the spirit of the hook creating a bassy, slightly silly composition that hits hard during the verse and backs off during teh hook. the mix is very tight and all the elements sound great in the composition.
    MC Lars: 10
    Got everything right about the narrative. This is probably one of my favorite songs of the whole VPC. Just give it to these guys, they killed it, it’s over! I love the chorus, it’s ironic and catchy.
    Richie: 9
    Lyrically, this is solid. The hook is dope… catchy as fuck and offers an interesting departure from the intensity of the verses in terms of vibe. That horn work tho… wow. ayyyye this beat slaps. Producer definitely flexing some versatility with this one. Love that jovial melody during the hook portion… and that trombone was mixed and effected VERY nicely. Love the beat drops to provide emphasis after punchlines. Vox sound good, maybe a HAIR overcompressed to my ears, but it’s not too distracting.
    Public: 9

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    01. Hamlet (A Song of Disrespect to Gildenstern)
    Team Kokoro

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    It’s ya boi Prince Hamlet
    Aka lil ham
    Sir Robert on the beat
    you already know
    If I die, I’m taking you with me

    To be or not to be, that isn’t the question
    It’s kill or not kill your whole career in 30 seconds
    You desperate – suckin up to a prince for the king
    – you want the dirt on me? Then it’s mud that I’ll sling

    I was ready to die, it seems you want to go first
    when you tell me a lie, but I can tell it’s been rehearsed
    – Got to be cruel to be kind, Guildenstern
    Thus bad begins, while I leave behind the worst: you

    – It’s like you acting in a play, God gave you a face
    but you want to show another cause you lie with the snakes
    now I’m coming to destroy and leave without any trace
    because my words are like poisoned blades

    You hear the wordplay, yeah I spit it the best
    – while you acting like a fellow of infinite jest
    You were like a cousin so breathe your last breath
    cause now I got to bring you the sleep of death

    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    This is my dull revenge that you had to go and spur
    This is the letter rewritten in my own words

    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    It was deception when you happily looked after me
    This is the rap battle that will be your tragedy

    Look I got a girl who don’t protest too much
    You and Rosencrantz need to crawl up out of my butt
    it’s funny to me – when I called you a friend
    – now get thee to a nunnery, cause I’m about to sin

    Betrayal is cold while looking out for yourself
    so I’m bringing the heat until your solid flesh melts
    watch it thaw and resolve itself into a dew
    drink it like a wine then absorb everything you knew

    – but my father’s ghost told me the truth
    Now I trust the dead more than the living like you
    Let me trust you more. Right now you the phoniest
    Pack your bags cause you about to join Polonius

    Everything you say, I don’t want to hear
    cause your poetry sounds like poison in my ear
    Your rap career about to be destroyed by the pirates
    Once you close your eyelids
    The rest is silence

    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    This is my dull revenge that you had to go and spur
    This is the letter rewritten in my own words

    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    Feel the burn, Guildenstern
    It was deception when you happily looked after me
    This is the rap battle that will be your tragedy

    – Poetic justice in iambic pentameter
    you can call me Karen, I’m bout to speak to your manager
    – cause I know he saw the play and then the panic stirred
    now I bury you both in the dirt with these can of worms

    Thought I was going crazy but you can’t talk
    You’re insane for betraying me, now you in shock?
    cause I know a hawk from a handsaw
    like a friend from an enemy and no man squawks

    Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark
    I haven’t forgotten the traitor who barked
    You fishin for clues, then get fed to the sharks
    I wanted the light but was kept in the dark

    Pay with your lives – when you paid by Claudius
    Killin 2 birds with 1 poem is monstrous
    but you a sponge and you dirty with garbage
    Now – you’re not even near my conscience

  • addJudge scores

    Beaker: Beat: 8 Bars: 8 Challenge: 9 BATTLE DRAW
    another awesome match up NLJ takes on the role of Hamelt and absolutely assassinates Gidlenstern in character throughout this full 3 verse offering. this matchup is very close until the hook – feel the burn gildenstern definitely lands
    this beat tries to tie the loose ends around a challenge that calls for sampling or inspriational elements from teh source – like other very old works in this challenge the real risk here is freestyling something that fits and grooves with the judges. rob tries his best here and creates a great battle track beat with rich, full mixing and deep bass elements, but it dosent really feel shakespearean/hamletish. it sounds great and carries NLJ through a nonstop onslaught of bars just barely missing the mark for a perfect 10
    MC Lars: 8
    Pretty dope hook, love the battle vibe and the stories and references to the characters. Nice work.
    Richie: 9
    thought the hook was catchy as fuck. Flow and lyrics during the verses were top-tier as usual. the energy is what really sells this one though… NLJ completely embodies Hamlet’s persona and conveys his passion in every bar.
    beat is fucking dooooope. Always love basslines with portamento slides… very fun. That beat switchup? Crazy. Vox sound good. Would have been nice to hear some sort of shakesperean element in the instrumentation, like… a lute or some shit, lol. super super small complaint tho.
    Public: 8

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    01. Napoleon (Animal Farm - A Snowball diss)

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    Beaker: Beat: 8 Raps: 9 Challenge: 9 WINNER BY KNOCKOUT
    in character to a T this track is exactly what I would expect from the character and the bars are built for battle. each line closes with a punch and some of these stabs cut deep. favorite line of the round is in this track and everyone knows which one im referring to. great battle track and nails the challenges. very nice
    great layering to build up the track and drop in to that tight af hook. this beat and the fx work on the vocals feel very hamilton to me. great instrument selection especially the drum kit – percs and snares ring out clean with a deep kick. beat drops at all the right times, just like a battle track should. there is a looming presence to this beat which helps the track stand up to the vocal presentation. clean mix too – sounds good and hits nice
    MC Lars: 8
    Great flow and beat, like the effect on the chorus. Very thoughtful and smart Orwell references.
    Richie: 9.5
    yeah, these some real battle bars right here. I’ll make sure this pig skinned like it’s america’s past time… i felt that shit. Yeah, this team really brought it this round, lol. this team always has some of the crispiest production. That beat doesn’t disappoint. Drums got that perfect swing, and i’m digging that rich bass. Vocals sound perfect, although I don’t know if I like the flanger on the hook vocals.
    Public: 9

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    01. Fight Fascists (Animal Farm - A Napoleon diss)
    Mundane Monsters

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    Chorus x2

    Fight fascists

    And eat the ruling class

    Police state

    Should never exist

    A Napoleon

    Will always surface

    So don’t forget

    An animals purpose

    Verse 1

    Hail comrades!

    I’m back from the drama

    Snowball-in-hell’s chance

    To right all the wrongin’

    Old Major gave us

    A beautiful concept

    Napoleon only

    Thought about profit

    A Stalin goblin

    With an eating problem

    Disgusting and rotten

    From his tops to bottoms

    Understand his demands

    Are rooted in your trauma

    He don’t want a slice

    He want the whole farm-ah

    We could’ve had real power

    Done it the right way

    Windmills, horse hotels

    You wanted to fight me

    Goose stepped in bull shit

    And now you got night raids

    Just had to derail

    the equality hype train

    The swine in swindler

    The ham in Hitler

    You roll in the swamp

    And you bathe in the shitter

    But the only place for your head

    Is a rope in the river

    Uh-oh a real fight

    Better hide til dinner

    We want to start a nation

    And get rid of the man

    But you’re just imitation

    Like a can of spam

    So the best place to start

    Is destroy your reputation

    I sent out the pigeons

    To spit this propagation

    Chorus x3

    Fight fascists

    And eat the ruling class

    Police state

    Should never exist

    A Napoleon

    Will always surface

    So don’t forget

    An animals purpose

    Verse 2

    My little piggy

    Went to war for us

    Your little piggy

    Went to harm all us

    Say what you will

    But you’re literal pig shit

    Blanketed by deceit

    And I’m coming to trash that

    A damn shame what you

    Did to boxer

    Ya Sold em out

    For a bottle of vodka

    A model comrade

    But your farm is toxic

    Ya post to squealer

    Have you read the comments?

    We try to revolt

    But you’re just revolting

    You try to insult

    But you’re just insulted

    We’re try to discuss

    But ya too disgusting

    The only recourse

    Is a horn hoof thrusting

    We’ll get ya hogtied

    Expose your bad lies

    Remove your disguise

    You’re all the same guy

    A twisted jerk

    Who we all despise

    And if you do all the work

    Than here’s your battle cry

    Chorus x2

    Fight fascists

    And eat the ruling class

    Police state

    Should never exist

    A Napoleon

    Will always surface

    So don’t forget

    An animals purpose

    Outro x3

    This is one goes out to all the

    The sheeps in the baaaack

    Four legs good

    Two legs dead

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    Beaker: Beat: 7 Bars: 8 Challenge: 9
    excellent battle bars with solid punches and some funny jabs – delivery is on point for the beat and lets the bars speak for themselves. the hook is catchy and politically relevant to the zeitgeist which is a fun little ditty for listeners like myself. the callback bit to close out the track was a good call – it drives home the point that this diss is on the character and anybody cool with the status quo – very in line with the challenge.
    This was one of the subjects I was most intersted in and this track did not disapoint me – the intro almost had me on the hook for a dance move ala the chupacabra. the marching orders echoing from that drum kit help drive this track in a direction that feels just right for the subject and a battle track. The breakdowns could have been executed better by dropping the lead for a perc line or simpler stab, but the buildup back in to the verse is super solid. mix is a little muddy but not worse than previous rounds. if i wanted to see one thing imrpove over the rounds, it would be the mix down and master of the finish product.
    MC Lars: 7
    I like this song and the verses, I think the chorus could be simpler to be more memorable. Also, I think they could benefit from a nicer mic or vocal mix, but I love the industry vibe of the snare drum. Cool song.
    Richie: 7.5
    The Ham in Hitler, hahaha, I liked the lyrics on this one. Felt the flow itself could be a little smoother, for example, in the “dont forget an animal’s purpose” part in the hook. Love the “post to squeelr” line because it’s an example of the effort the lyricst took to really craft his character’s world.
    love how the synth blends with the strings in the intro. I really like the melodic elements in this beat, but I felt the beat could use a little more in the bottom end. vocals sound straight, doubles are just a hair too loud.
    Public: 6

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    01. Sherlock Owns (Sherlock Holmes - A Watson diss)
    Some of BType

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    Beaker: Beat: 8 Raps: 7 Challenge: 8
    sherlock is punk af. everything about this works except btypes punk rock voice – instead of rapping these bars, which are well written and totally satisfy the battle requirements, should be SCREAMED in to a bad mic… yall went punk go all fuckin out. the lines are all witty and funny just channel your inner nofx and balls out. do it.
    i love this beat – no surprise. the heavy and fast rock attack is an intruiging approach to the round and can work if the total track delivers on some savagery. the guitar work is A+ and i want to get some of this on a crayondroids collab. the mix obviously needs some work with this powerhouse of a beat toned way down to fit in the vocals – but the work on the vocals themselves is also top quality. this track deserves some more work and a solid master. do it.
    MC Lars: 9
    Points for awesome metal riff. I like the flow and crazy vibe, very original and dope.
    Richie: 7.5
    Very entertaining vocal performance. I enjoyed the lyrics, especially during the “its elementary” refrain. Wish there would have been more after that. The talking part was hilarious, but could have been doper if written in song.
    love the guitars on this one and the overall speed-metal vibe, although I wonder if other elements could be introduced to make it feel more a part of the source material. Thought the vocals were clear, could use adlibs or doubles to add a little more to the vocal track.7.
    Public: 6

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    01. Crack Sherlock (Sherlock Holmes - A Sherlock diss)
    Spandex Moose

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    I hope you guys enjoy this one 😉
    We’ve got a video coming your way soon.

    Yo it’s the doc, son, not Sherlock, ya boy Watson
    The killer leave a body floating around like flotsam
    Bitches never call the cops son, they call Big John
    And it’s on, yeah the boys are back

    Wake Sherlock up from his heron nap, get his deer stalk hat, fill his pipe with crack
    Who you think investigatin the case when Holmes back home with a needle in his veins?

    The cocaines great in the 1800s,
    Sherlock takes it so he can function
    Stumbling, into crime scenes, the man’s a mess
    And the bobbies want to call him the best

    Pathetic, just a drug-addled wreck of a sleuth
    Takin credit for the work I do
    Elementary, where he’s meant to be, sitting quiet
    In the special ed class sniffing glue

    Crack Sherlock
    What have you done?
    Banging rocks and the day’s just begun
    Smack Sherlock
    Where do you go?
    Tying off like you think we don’t know

    But we do though

    Choo Choo hop aboard the hype train
    Might say my lines so fly cos I’m rhyming in the Wright way
    Kinda frightening, the Doctor’s in
    Build flows so quick, cos I build em on a time frame

    Knock knock, it’s the writer man!
    Doc Watson, back from Afghanistan
    Swinging scalpels, giving out Glasgow Grins
    Transform ya face call it Hasbro-ing

    Im sick, sickest doctor anyone can see
    No rickets for the bitches with my vitamin D
    It’s vitamin me, talking bout the mini Doc
    Keep it healthy if you take it like a penicillin shot

    Or it would, but penicillin hasn’t been discovered
    So when ya balls deep keep it covered with a rubber
    Cos you don’t want the Syph, there’s no surgery
    I’ll be shooting up your dick full of mercury

    Crack Sherlock
    What have you done?
    Banging rocks and the day’s just begun
    Smack Sherlock
    Where do you go?
    Tying off like you think we don’t know

    But we do though

    Remember the Hound of the Baskervilles?
    Sending me to the moors and the jaws of the beast to be killed?
    Sherlocks such a bitch
    Sent ya boy Doc John in to suss the sitch

    Little rich boy, staying locked up at Baker Street
    When you come around knocking better ask for me
    Cos Sherlocks coming down hard
    Off a week long bender of banging shard

    I miss the Holmes who was fascinating
    Days spent ejaculating
    Together, locking up loonies like bitch be gone
    Stead of asking where the next fix was coming from

    I miss the old Holmes
    Breaking the mold Holmes
    Friend in the fridge, snap frozen ice cold Holmes
    Now it’s paroled Holmes
    Selling his soul Holmes
    Veins are collapsing, taking its toll Holmes
    You’re not getting any better
    And you’ll have me weeping while you’re sleeping forever

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    Beaker: Beat: 8 Raps: 9 Challenge: 10 WINNER BY DECISION
    talk about fully embracing the character this is almost method actor level (if you havent seen the video youre missing out) – an almost slapstick stlying around some brutal punches take this track to another level entirely. each and every line is layered with language choices and references that you would expect out of Watson. the hook could hit a little harder but if youre gonna battle rap a cop might as well put the cocaine on parade. exceptional work and proof positive that SM still has the chops when it comes to character battles
    Spandex Moose managed to tap in to the same magic that NDY hit with the creation of a new and unique take on the elements that create a period approrpaite rap beat. The big brass leads create a sound that would be right at home in a cinematic environment and carries the track right up to the hook where things get a bit wonky. The strings in this track add another referential element that brings the entire track in to the character challenge with quick fiddle licks at the transition points. very tight and clean on the mix, this beat is stupendous
    MC Lars: 7
    Definitely a great battle rap, love the beat. Good references and cadences, I think the doubles on the verses could be mixed a bit quieter and this song could have been mastered better, but dope. Also – an autotune on the hook would have helped, but I love it!
    Richie: 8
    vocals performed very nicely… loved the lyrics… way to throw Sherlock’s drug habits out on front street. lol Love the transform your face, call it hasbroing line, lol. Very creative.
    beat is dope, love the use of the sample (I think from the movie, if I’m not mistaken). Felt the mix could be a bit better, it gets a bit muddy on the lowend. Vocals sit prominently i the mix, sound just a tad overcompressed.
    Public: 8

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    01. Scrub (A Series of Unfortunate Events - A Count Olaf diss)
    The Extra Creds

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    I spy with my little eye a motherfuckin ho
    Broke ass bitch tryna get some coin, you think that we don’t know?
    Oh you done it, fuckin try me with that busted wedding ring
    Purple string you up and cap you start that Mussolini swing
    You ain’t got no money – just a mob of philistines
    You kiddin me? I’m Tyson to your Holyfield when I sink my teeth
    Excuse me – Imma make you bleed profusely, cut to center stage
    Use me? I’m deducing that you gonna catch my rage

    Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub.
    Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub. Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub.
    Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub.

    Your plays are garbage, so are you.
    Gonna burn alive your theatre crew
    Every alias that you try to don
    Are low-rent, ragged – so begone
    Man-child to the third degree, how is it you ain’t dead
    Lemme invent a fist to Five Point Palm that seven finger head
    The library is open you got ashy lips and an unwashed ass
    How you gonna step to me a mess lookin for some cash?
    You a bitch made fuccboi, can’t kill a squad of kids
    Your girl a ho, hope your adopted daughter die of SIDS

    Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub.
    Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub. Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub.
    Scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub. You is a scrub, scrub, scrub.

    Get yo ass a job job job job job
    Get yo ass a job job job job job

    Put yourself to work work work work work
    Put yourself to work work work work work

    If you ain’t a scrub, get your ass into the boat
    If you ain’t a scrub, get your ass into the boat
    If you ain’t a scrub, get your ass into the boat
    If you ain’t a scrub, get your ass into the boat

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    Beaker: Beat: 9 Raps: 8 Challenge: 8 WINNER BY KNOCKOUT
    this song wants to fight – punch after punch after punch lands between breaks to brag on the fact that shubz can drop that ass. everything hits hard except that hook – lots of options out there instead we are goin with the TLC scrub assault strat – coulda hit harder. that get yo ass a job bit lands tho – nice change up that helps frame the point of the track and keeps it in character
    what a slick and dreamy beat – great lead choice and sampling here – lots of triggers from an mpc in this beat, achieving a lofi beats to study to type feel with a sensation of live intrumentation. dont quantize those triggers, the tiny little imprefections are what makes it perfect.
    MC Lars: 9
    Awesome flow and beat! I like the groove and energy and especially the drops. Awesome job.
    Richie: 9
    Ayyyye, this shit jams. The bars on this were delightfully vicious, and the hook and refrain at the end were dope. Shit got mad personal when you wished death on his adopted daughter tho, that’s cold blooded.
    instant stankface when the sample started, and an even stankier face when the beat dropped. Beat’s got a nice bottom end (that sounds a bit pervy) and those drums are dusty as fuck… love it. Love the little beat drops to emphasize perfect words, that’s the kind of attention to detail I like. That switch up during the “gecho ass a job” part? I’m digging it. Felt the vocals get a little overpowered by the beat after the switch up, despite them being doubled.
    Public: 9

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    01. You'll Never Escape (A Baudelaire Children diss)
    Saints of San Secuestro

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    YOU’LL NEVER ESCAPE (this series of unfortunate events)

    Verse 1
    Hello children, you must be the Baudelaires
    My name is Count Olaf I’m an actor extraordinaire
    I’m rather handsome and soon you’ll learn to like me
    But if you don’t that’s fine because you can just bite me
    Oh Sunny I know all about your teeth
    But I’m not being literal It’s just a figure of speech
    I think it’s time that you’re made aware
    You have to cook and clean, yes even my underwear
    So what’s for dinner my troupe and I must eat
    Pasta Puttanesca? Egh! I wanted roast beef!
    Go to your room yes room! That’s what I said
    And I know it’s unfortunate but you’re sharing one bed
    Now get some rest because tomorrow you’ll need it
    We’re putting on a play here’s the script you must read it
    Oh dear Violet your only line is “I do”
    I’ll put Sunny in a cage and then you’ll be my bride soon

    Oh it’s not happenstance yes I’m gonna get your money
    Oh you think you have a chance? Oh that’s really rather funny
    If there’s one thing you should realize is it’s fate
    That you’re mine and you’ll never escape.

    Verse 2
    Oh children you thought I was gone?
    Ha! Not a chance the great Count Olaf lives on!
    What’s the matter with you all you’re looking rather shook
    Pay attention Klaus get your nose out of that book
    It’s not a secret you know my intentions
    And nothing will save you not even Violet’s inventions
    Silence children you should be seen and not heard
    Keep your little traps shut not another single word
    I’ll keep you under close watch don’t try anything funny
    If you try to escape well then you better keep running
    Because, if you stop well then I’m going to catch you
    And when Violet turns 18 well then I’ll have to dispatch you
    Then the money will be mine I’ll live happily ever after
    And you’ll be hard pressed to stop my feverish laughter
    You can try everything you want and never relent
    But you’ll never escape this series of unfortunate events

    Oh it’s not happenstance yes I’m gonna get your money
    Oh you think you have a chance? Oh that’s really rather funny
    If there’s one thing you should realize is it’s fate
    That you’re mine and you’ll never escape.

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    Beaker: Beat: 8 Raps: 7 Challenge: 8
    definitely getting in to character here the battle bars are delivered as seriously as one could while channeling the spirit of a frail old meiser – the verses are well written and do an excellent job of framing the character and crafting a story, but dont really deliver on the brutality expected from battle bars. maybe you were goin easy on them because they were kids, but they didnt do you the same courtesy. go hard or go home
    very nice sample choice to open the track but a missed opportunity on the drop. the beat is big and sounds big but lacks the full body that a good mix could give to the bass line and synth lead. vocal mix is very solid and the fx work on the breakdown and hook are top notch. change ups all hit nice and the beat does its job (very well) of carrying the vocals, but i would have liked a few drops on the punches, since they were few and far between
    MC Lars: 7
    I enjoy this flow and the beat, but I think the vocals are a bit quiet so it’s hard to hear. Great concept and great chorus. Awesome energy on the mic!
    Richie: 8.5
    love the vocalist’s tone, it’s definitely in-character. Very well done. I like the lyrics, they vibe perfectly with the subject matter. Flow is solid, gets a little crowded in a few spots, but otherwise a great effort.
    love the sample at the beginning, the beat is dope. i’m a sucker for beats with that swing. oooooh that switch up during the hook tho… VERY well done. Vocals sound good. Good use of sound effects.
    Public: 7

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    01. Sam the Sucker (Lord of the Rings - A Sam diss)

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    Fashionably Late? Oh well.

    I laugh high at those who try to tell me Sam wise
    Gamgee’s plans be twice as ass as a donkey’s backside
    Gone through things about which you only fantasize
    Love from elves Sam’s a Stan you think I want a fan this size
    Angels call me for a quest because our set rapport
    Planting and smoking grass only thing you’re beckoned for
    Face it I’ve done greatness before first breakfast rest assured
    To do great feats you ain’t got the right pedicure
    Tales of great hobbits know I’ll be peerless
    Names given because of our fame will be tierless
    Gandalf the Great Frodo the Fearless
    And when Rosie dumps your ass you’ll be Samwise the beardless
    Like the ring around my finger i will circle you
    Create my own path which I see you tryna scurry through
    Address me as master forever in my servitude
    On the mic the only time that MC Frodo serving you

    Ain’t no ragging on Frodo Baggins
    My uncle faced off a dragon of fellowships I’m a captain
    Keep a sense of adventure complacency never happens
    Only thing said bout Gamgees is that they are always slacking
    I said that I can’t do this you said for the good to fight
    The ring corrupts the faithful and you fought it with your might
    Told me you’ll show your loyalty by staying by my side
    But I wish you’d show your loyalty like Boromie and died
    You a happy go lucky hapless know nothing
    I don’t know what’s worse the ring or you at soul sucking
    If the ring keeps wraiths in chase I don’t find it so frightening
    As long as it means your hobbit ass can never find me
    I dipped after the mission now I finally can retire
    You suckled at my glory when we got back in to the Shire
    I know it wasn’t true when said the ring fulfills desires
    Cause it wouldn’t have been Gollum who had flown into the fire

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    Beaker: Beat: 5 Bars: 8 Challenge: 7
    idk who this is but he was waiting for a chance to drop some diss bars – dude is obviously cut to do battles, stressed the punches and had rapid fire diss bars start to finish. hope it was fun – glad to have you in the vpc
    This beat sounds like the sample youd get in a kit as an example of how to use the pieces… its also super, super quiet. cant really comment on the specifics here since I cant hear them. Vocals arent mixed in so much as layered on top of the beat and packaged up.
    MC Lars: 7
    Flow is awesome, but beat is pretty simple and beat is way too quiet. I love how the rapper clearly rocked this in one take, I love the energy and references. Good song but I think with some more production could be a true winner! Almost there!
    Richie: 7
    The flow on this is pretty dope, although crowded at points, let those punchlines breathe…. but he bars? Crazy. That do great feats line…I felt that shit.
    Beat sounded ok but was definitely super low in the mix. Vox were clear and understandable, could use a de-esser.
    Public: 8

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    01. Mr Frodo (Lord of the Rings - A Frodo diss)

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    The cotton is blooming
    Back in the shire
    But I think we won’t see home again
    The mountain is looming
    Shining with fire
    I watch you now and then
    You’re being destroyed
    And I’m coming along for the ride
    Yeah I keep it inside
    I try to put a smile on
    As I look back at each mile gone
    And I can barely see behind me
    Where I thought I’d draw the line

    I keep on losing you
    I’m just putting one foot in front of the other
    I keep on losing you
    And it’s gonna get worse from here
    Yeah it’s gonna get worse from here
    It can only get worse from here
    Mr. Frodo

    I’m drinking the poison
    The poison you make
    The price of taking off the mask

    Where once there was someone
    There’s only the ache
    A crack that spreads across the glass
    A hollow reminder
    You wraith in destiny’s clothes
    The emptiness grows
    You journey to a promised land
    With cost you could not understand
    A pilgrimage of ignorance
    We walk the path you chose

    I keep on losing you
    I’m just putting one foot in front of the other
    I keep on losing you
    And it’s gonna get worse from here
    Yeah it’s gonna get worse from here
    It can only get worse from here
    But I won’t leave you
    I won’t leave you Mr. Frodo
    I won’t leave you

    I know there’s good in this world
    And it’s worth fighting for
    So I’m one more front line sacrifice
    Of your private war
    But I’m not wise or strong or clever
    We’re just burning down together
    It isn’t fair
    But i’ve come too far to care

    I keep on losing you
    I’m just putting one foot in front of the other
    I keep on losing you
    I’m just putting one foot in front of the other
    Yeah one foot in front of the other
    And it’s gonna get worse from here
    Yeah it’s gonna get worse from here
    It can only get worse from here
    But I won’t leave you
    I won’t leave you Mr. Frodo
    I won’t leave you
    I won’t leave you Mr. Frodo
    I won’t leave you
    I made a promise Mr. Frodo

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    Beaker: Beat: 10 Bars: 10 Challenge: 10 WINNER BY DECISION
    is there any more brutal diss track then the breakup song? decades of experience would say no, there isnt. this take on the challenge is unique and does its job exceptionally, depsite the fact that going any route other than a diss track is a risk in this round. the lyricism is biting and touching, and this track has a place far outside this vpc. if geekrock was still a thing, and who knows it might be, there is already an audience for this emo 90s throwback and I encourage you, strongly, to consider a full concept albume around this piece.
    Very nice composition and excellent mix on this track. vocal fx and instrument filters are expertly used to craft a folksy soft rock song that absolutely slaughters the challenge – if you werent aware leonard nemoy did a frodo album back in the late 60s/early 70s and it was (not as good as this, btw) also a folksy take on the material. a special kudos to the work on the hook and instrumental break – when the bass drops in the track takes on a whole new feel and could give you goosebumps if you dont expect the sudden change in depth. exceptional work.
    MC Lars: 8
    They were courageous with the chorus and melodic approach, chords remind me of Bloodhound Gang “Fire Water Burn”. Could use a bit of autotune, but this song gets points for originalit
    Richie: 10
    You know what… this is actually in character as fuck. I can see this song as the backing track to a montage of Sam and Frodo’s worst moments. This is an absolute flex in terms of songwriting. Well-fucking done. This is the type of song that isn’t an immediate slap in the face, but rather a poison dagger.
    very well done, i have absolutely no complaints on the production. This took me exactly where the producer wanted me to go. The backing track was mixed very well, and the vox have that otherworldly folk vibe that works.
    Public: 8

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    01. The Race (The Tortoise and the Hare - A Hare diss)

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    The Race

    “This Hare challenged me to a race , and he lost
    now he wants to rap battle,
    i guess i have to make a song about him now”

    Here we go again, i was gonna let it go and forget the thing
    You’re so predictable, probably gonna call me slow to try offending me
    well i am , and you’re fast, but you still couldn’t get ahead of me
    i think you’re the one that’s slow ho it’s just mentally
    let that sink in, acting like it wasn’t fair i win.
    you really got an ego , it’s imperative that you bury it
    cuz you lost it in the race homie, that got you second place homie
    now you want someone to blame homie ? go find a mirror and stare at it
    you’re such an embarrassment , you lost because your own arrogance
    like you were born with a silver spoon, squandered your inheritance
    little thumper, you really didn’t think when competing with me
    here’s a carrot stick , i know you don’t beef , you’re a vegetarian
    hey ! look at those ridiculous ears
    you rabbits gotta be fast cuz you’re always livin’ in fear
    we turtles have existed since the biggest lizards were here
    my species hasn’t changed in like a million years

    They say Go , i’m ready
    that gold i’m getting
    they throw confetti
    i’m slow and steady

    I’m done stressing , not a contestant, couldn’t even beat me with a blunt weapon
    only way that you beating me with speed is when your humps get it
    man , i’m just guessing, but i’m betting you really love sexin’
    it’s too bad that it probably only last for like half of one second
    go home nibble on some cabbage , ain’t no trick about it silly little rabbit
    i apologize winning is a habit even when i have a big ol’ disadvantage
    i’m somebody you don’t wanna pick a scrap with, a massive reptilian savage
    the only way that you’re coming out on top is when you’re getting off to sitting on a phallus
    I beat you in the race, because you like to slack, now i get to jam , beat you in the raps
    you could never crack , the defense on my back, homie i’m a tortoise know i’m bout to snap
    i know you rabbits gotta think you’re fast, and you’re speed is in a different class
    but what good is a muscle car that’s tapped, and it’s already running out of gas
    Now I’ll take a victory lap, is doesn’t really matter distance of the track
    honestly it’s a given fact, you’re issue is the discipline you lack
    now i get to ask , how’s your vision from the back , cuz you coming in at last
    probably gotta make a living doing tricks inside of a magician’s hat

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    Beaker: Beat: 8 Bars: 8 Challenge: 10 WINNDER BY DECISION
    intro is perfect and stands up to beefy and tanner – toning back the flow makes these two a really enjoyable showdown. while beefy fired off at high speeds gross angel took a metered approach representative of his character. solid bars and smooth punches this track hits all the marks
    bill beats puts together a solid track that fits the challenges and sets up the tortoise character, complimenting delivery and deep range with minimalist banger and deep kicks. another great mix tho a little muddy at times I am super happy with this team and the vs. – a lot of creative applications of basic beat design help create a vessle for angel to deliver his story. its fun to listen to, which all things considered may have been the biggest challenge for this team. i mean, its a turtle.
    MC Lars: 8
    Love the beat and flow and laughter in the sample, this is an awesome and original jam. Love the hook and command rhymes. So dope.
    Richie: 9
    I’m fucking with this flow! Really tight, love the multis during the “sitting on a phallus” scheme. Plenty of bars and punchlines, and i LOVED the hook.
    beat is dusty and delicious. chose the PERFECT sample to flip for this. The laughs were a good touch too. Vocals sound crisp and clear.
    Public: 8.5

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    01. Too Slow (The Tortoise and the Hare - A Tortoise diss)
    1337 G33K B33F

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    Gents and ladies and the itty bitty babies
    Let me tell ya bout my leggies they be driving like Mercedes
    my Enemies be shady I been sending em to Hades
    I clockin in the eighties, while the others having rabies
    Hit ya in position that your never gonna win
    i got the Energy and it is coming from the den
    Laughing to the end like I am losing to a tortoise
    Beat em till it’s dead and give that fucker rigor mortis
    Flex on the hare man, how could you dare when ya know this the thing I do
    It’s a slap in the face cause you can’t keep pace, it ain’t now race cause I’ll just pass through
    Here for embarrassment, get you some therapy, cause your slow talkin could never be scaring me
    Should be more hesitant, take you some medicine, look at your dumbass man it’s so embarrassing
    Race but it’s pointless, I am the dopest
    Baby ya hopeless, everyone know this
    Earn me a bonus, know that I’m on this
    Giving ya notice, Here but your bogus
    Gather ya soldier, throw you some boulders
    Feasting on locust, smashing these JOKERS
    Put ME on posters, deal with emotions
    Lacking your focus, smell you the foldgers
    They all wanna cheer you on and pat your back saying do your best
    Go for the gold and don’t give up it just makes sense you’ll past this test
    But you ain’t blessed so don’t be stressed, gonna put well wishing down to rest
    Win this shit just oh so quick and then gonna give Lola Bunny my address
    bitch know you too SLOOOOW

    you’re too slow
    we runnin’ this shit

    Been the best in the biz for bout a thousand years
    Quickest step in the game, it’s out the stratosphere
    i went to visit your mom she got some souvenirs
    all you saw was a shell clutching on rabbit ears
    You ain’t Leo, Mike, Raphy or Don
    Challenging me what the fuck is you on?
    Pointed the wrong way and lining up wrong
    Start to ask if alive is a place you belong
    Mates lining up for my essence
    Sit back I’ll teach you some lessons
    not worth it to send you a message
    Tortoise a turtle that’s just too pretentious
    Feels like i’ve been sprinting all day
    I find a nice place I should lay
    thousands of light years ahead is enough
    high score i don’t really care bout that stuff

    *skit wherein beefy doesn’t break kayfabe*

    you’re too slow
    we runnin’ this shit

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    Beaker: Beat: 7 Bars: 8 Challenge: 10
    solid punches and flow with that gripping rapid fire entry. very relevant to the source material and disposition is solid story telling including the hubris that undid the hare in aesops original fable. instead of stacking shots against the character beef turned this in to a braggadacio track and it works perfectly landing hits consistently and delivering a fun battle track
    great beat and sampling work – hits like a battle track and has traditional stabs that help the feel. nicely balanced and mixed working in some old animation samples. the stabs on the chorus completely change the feel of the track and comes off a little corny standing up to the verses.
    MC Lars: 10
    What a banger, great chorus and flows. I like the story and the choppy beat. Mixing and mastering is amongst the best I’ve heard. Very dope!!
    Richie: 9
    flow was bananas on this one. I really dig the quick flow at the beginning, although within the confines of a battle track, it might have been better to introduce it in the second verse. then again, it’s sort of in-character, so no harm no foul, lol. Actually…shit now that I think about it, you started fast, slowed down and fell asleep, just as the hare would. Mind blown. lyrically this shit is dope as fuck.
    DAT BEAT THO…. shit’s fire. love that synth bassline. love the sample. thought the vintage vocal samples were a good touch.vox sound good. not much to complain about with the production on this, maybe a few beat mutes to emphasize some of the bars during the rapid fire verse.
    Public: 9

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    01. Watching You (1984 - A Citizen diss)
    Pinky and the Mancubus

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    See the analog, thirteen on the hour hand

    You’re a minute man, need to understand

    Well not understand but trust we have a greater plan

    Double plus double dutch skip jump ampersand

    We’re a pyramid, most stable at the top

    Better view than the outer one you’ve got

    Party views you with your simple little lot

    Little dim but you need check your crime thought

    More than your mouth needs to conjugate the newspeak

    We already know what you know, telescreened news weeks

    You think, don’t think, don’t speak, just drink

    Dip a nip of this most glorious sip,

    a victorious gin, your laborious wit,

    a sartorious sin, you’re notorious friend,

    a citizen is no one with no state to tend

    To our sheep, to be brief, you’ll come around in the end

    Imagine if we gave you all control over your destinies

    The laziness, the apathy, the anger we sequester these

    The bullying and ego, such insipid and detested things

    You couldn’t even pick a place to eat, you’re pathetic please

    There are only four lights, say it, say it (You’re pathetic please)

    Two plus two is five right, say it, say it (You’re pathetic please)

    Free think is a poor blight, say it, say it (You’re pathetic please)

    No need to record write, say it, say it (You’re pathetic)

    So we’re watching you, cause you need to be seen

    Yeah we’re watching you, through lens and through screen

    We’re watching you, step in line, be aware

    We’re watching you, cause nobody else cares

    We’re watching you

    Better bid of bafflement so succor at the sacrament of selflessness

    See your ownlife only sows strife swaddled in your own helplessness

    We can tell you this,

    compliance mandated, defiance lacks meaning

    The science is gated, you’re mindlessly bleating

    Reliance is sated, so why don’t you weigh this

    Ask not what country is doing for you but

    what you need to do to bring country to greatness

    Hate it for 2 minutes, cause that’s all you have left inside
    Nevermind the fragility and freedom that you’ve left behind

    Not like you could find anyone, yourself, you’re voice

    Wasted time so we removed the choice

    To the relief of the many, you’re not enough, too meak you’ll

    Journal mad words, which of course, is illegal

    Better off now than you were, mini truth

    This is how it’s always been, why fight, what’s the use

    Who controls the past is now controlling of the future

    Past this expiration think what is al this self abuse for

    Claim the only victory that anyone can truly hold

    Place the boot upon yourself, and for your health, yeah just do as you’re told

    There are only four lights, say it, say it (yeah just do as you’re told)

    Two plus two is five right, say it, say it (yeah just do as you’re told)

    Free think is a poor blight, say it, say it (yeah just do as you’re told)

    No need to record write, say it, say it (yeah just do as you’re told)

    So we’re watching you, cause you need to be seen

    Yeah we’re watching you, through lens and through screen

    We’re watching you, step in line, be aware

    We’re watching you, cause nobody else cares

    We’re watching you

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    Beaker: Beat: 6 Bars: 6 Challenge: 7 WINNER BY TKO
    the verses are pretty solid and hold my attention looking for the punchlines but the hook throws this one for a loop. there are some subtle key changes that need to be corrected – adjust your pitch or work with your producer to use autotune and hit hte sound your looking for. lyricism is very solid – the content of the bars is top quality but anything you had to work with got lost in a failed attempt to make a pop song
    the 80s future synth is a nice flavor for an 84 track – this beat is way too mellow for a diss track or battle track, but the track really wasnt trying to be either. the groove is very solid and the mix on the beat is good, but the vocal work is rough. doubling up the hook was a bad call if you couldnt get those notes in key… sometimes you have to massage the cuts youve got.
    MC Lars: 7
    I like the flow and energy and references, I think the beat could have a bit more rhythmic elements… sounds a bit at odds with the flow. Love the chorus
    Richie: 7.5
    lyrics were tight, love the multis. Felt the fast flow could be tighter, the syllables aren’t always in the pocket with the beat. I love that hook tho… super catchy.
    This beat is chill, thhe melody definitely sets that hopeless dystopian vibe. Felt the vocals could be mixed better, sometimes the vocal track felt a bit crowded due to the doubles and extra bits being a bit too prominent in the mix. That guitar tho… well played.
    Public: 8

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    01. Moby Dick (Moby Dick - An Ahab diss)

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    NotDeadYet – Mob1. fuck ahab, you selfish piece of shit
    2. already took your leg, next i’ll take your dick
    3. should take a few notes from ishmael
    4. about to lose your whole crew to a fucking whale
    5. monomaniac on a collision course
    6. with your crew screaming turn back until they’re fucking horse
    7. Lets trace this back to the fucking source
    8. Should have sailed your little ass into a safer port
    9. You couldn’t defeat me, you can see the drip
    10. Unlike your fucked up sails on your bullshit ship
    11. Springing oil leaks in the fucking hulll
    12. From my brothers you killed, I’m trying to crush your skull
    13. Really all you had to do was fucking leave me alone
    14. And now your sucker crew never gets to go back home.
    15. Ishmael gonna see me for years in his fucking sleep
    16. But you’re coming with me, tot he fucking deep.

    You and your little team wanna come for me
    Should have settled for less, now your lost at sea
    And that’s deep (that’s deep) thats deep (thats deep)
    You coulda been a family man with a better plan
    Now your bloated body never getting seen again
    That’s deep, that’s deep that’s deep that’s deep
    You thought you had what it took to slap box with god
    But found out that you really wasn’t all that hard?
    That’s deep that;’s deep that’s deep
    Ignorance might be the parent of fear
    But fear can be a warning that is crystal clear
    That’ deep, that’s deep that’s deep

    1. the pasty white phantom that be haunting your dreams
    2. the whole time I’m just chilling like while you sweating me
    3. waved a sane man away like Okay, boomer
    4. You should have recognized your rage was like a tumor
    5. Making me into a misplaced idol
    6. Didn’t recognize your obsession suicidal
    7. I should have focused on biting out something vital
    8. Fedallah gave a vision, you casted that aside tho
    9. They described you as an ungodly, god-like man
    10. But the fact is you gotta die by my motherfucking hand
    11. Or well, flippers… better listen up skipper
    12. You’re a lot smaller, I swim a lot quicker
    13. How different could it be if you had listened to starbuck?
    14. I’m sinking that ass, though, and couldnt’ give two fucks
    15. For hates sake you wanna spit your last breath at me?
    16. The ocean is a shroud you’re gonna sleep beneath
    y Dick

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    Beaker: Beat: 10 Bars: 10 Challenge: 10 WINNER BY TKO
    this song is nothing specific – but its a lot of things in general. most of all, its hostile. not dead yet is the motto for 2020. the challenges here are obivous, but khill had to take on the persona of a whale, a primary character with no lines… all we know about the moby dick is that he’s both the hunter and the hunted, a mythical monster testing the very steel of man. how do you write a song not only as that character but targeted against your nemisis? khill found a way. Along with disstopia this track stands out as a perfectly executed assault on the challenges, fully embracing the character and delivering a record quality track that tears apart the competition. Perfect 10
    This beat deserves a much deeper analysis than I can provide it. Moby Dick is old and modern media relating directly to it is sparce. Instead we have an understanding of the material and a producer who has found a way to create an original composition that is UNMISTAKABLY moby dick – picolos, deep timpanis and a trap kit cascade against huge strings and stabs that we all recognize as epically nautical. there isnt a more appropriate word for it – NDY created a nautical rap beat that is far and beyond anything I expected in this competition. Even the dreamy, echoy breakdown forces the listener to see the vision here – the epic dark that is the deep. A perfect 10
    MC Lars: 9
    Melville is like the Beatles – you have to be careful when you cover the Beatles and when you do Moby-Dick raps. These guys pull it off well, I like the vocal production and flow. Very hilarious
    Richie: 9
    Flow on this was dope. I really like the hook, it’s catchy as fuck. Lyrically, this song is worth me having to imagine Moby Dick biting off Captain Ahab’s penis.
    Beat is epic as fuck, those timpanis at the beginning set the atmosphere perfect. The production does an amazing job of giving me a front row seat while Moby Dick fucks shit up. The vocals sound clear, but there’s a bit of a flange to the vocals that hurts more than it helps.
    Public: 9.5

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    01. Dead and Loving It (Dracula - A Van Helsing diss)

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    Professor Abraham Van Helsing, PHD

    Please tell me what it’s like to be a daddy

    I’m not sorry that he’s dead or that you’re stuck with you’re wife

    Or your intentions of keeping her crazy ass around for life

    I am Count Dracula. I live in a castle.

    I’ll wipe my dick with your diploma, while I suck your moms asshole

    You think you’re so smart, you think you can kill me?

    But you got a twenty-four percent rating on your latest movie

    Ha! They got Huge Jackman to play you?

    cause my fame begins with Nosferatu

    Think your little cloves of garlics gonna keep me away?

    Just try and tell that to little Mina Mina Murray

    You four-eyed nerd, on your second virginity

    I’m a pimp, I get the women today through infinity

    You dress like a bitch, are those corduroy pants?

    Look at me in the eye, I’ll put you in a trance

    I am Dracula, dead and loving it

    They call me Dracula, I’m dead and loving it

    Count Dracula, fangs’ll pierce your neck

    I’m coming for you pal, play that on the tape deck

    Master of the demons, thief in the night

    An unholy master that’ll give you a fright

    Hey, Stan Hellsing, take a look in that mirror


    Look here fella, I know what you’re gonna say

    “I’m a bad guy vampire with fangs and a cape”

    So let me speak this to you, so you can understand

    I’m an immortal demon and you’re, well, just a man.

    I will convert you and all your friends and family

    I fucking dare you to come closer, just try and come at me

    Can someone call AARP to sign this fool up?

    This old man jerks it to two girls and one cup

    I will ruin your life, penetrate your colostomy bag

    Suck the blood out your neck, like poppin pills at a rave

    You’re a chump and you know it, you got osteoporosis

    Your body is so weak it simply stopped it’s mitosis

    You’re a frivolous person, no one even knows your name

    Everyone here knows mine, you’re just way too lame

    Too bad white out didn’t exist when Bram Stoker was alive

    So he could remove you from the book, erase you from time…

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    Beaker: Beat: 7 Raps: 9 Challenge: 8
    LOL this track is probably the most fun approach to the challenges shooting for a more mel brooks style to a well known character. the delivery on this track is stupendous and definitely stokes memories of ERBoH. Its too bad this was a win by TKO because im pretty sure it woulda been a knock out
    i always like a beat driven by an aggressive bass line and this one dosent let down. sounding very similar (to me anyway) to the stuff coming out of late 90s iD this beat was built well and have some great use of sampling but the mix just isnt where it needs to be to really shine. the kit sounds muted and the mix leaves the vocals so out front that they sound layered on instead of mixed in. a fun track with no opponent – gg
    MC Lars: 7
    I like the flow and characters, but the beat is a bit quiet and it could be mastered better. Good energy and delivery and great references.
    Richie: 8
    lmao I love the vocal performance on this song. Good job. Bar for Bar, one of my favorites of the round, lyrically. Those age disses were sublime, lol. The hook was enjoyable as well, should have let it run its course at the end instead of fading it out.
    Beat was straight, provided a good backdrop for the entertaining vocal performance. The laughs during the hook were mixed well. Felt the drums could slap a bit harder. Vocals sound crisp, my only complaint is when mixing, try to mask the fact that the artist recorded their vocals in 2 bar takes. The punch-ins make it sound like there are two vocalists going back and forth at times.
    Public: 7.5

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    01. Light Up the Cannons (The Hunger Games - A President Snow diss)
    Sleeping Dragon

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    Verse 1:
    I am the rebellion, machiavellian hellion of District 12, Pan-em dwelling, reading pygmalion, the Capitol’s failing when, you try to weld on, its so seldom, President Snow, you get the L, bow, my arrow, cut through souls, like old woes, I’m shooting crows and sparrows, fallen soldiers of the narrows, out of the coals, the mockingjay rose, striking blows with prose, that’ll make Haymitch composed, Namely it’s goals, so pay me in scrolls, the gradient grows, with salient flows, beware of the smoke, with a pestilent presence, of the divine peasant, I’m aiming at the present with precise incisions, they fear me like old religion, and apparitions, the lone victor, on a mission, liberating citizens and denizens, come dance with the dissident, the militant, with the sneer in her grin, who would lead the region of renegades into the new millennium, let’s finish ‘em

    With these arrows, I shoot for truth
    I burn the capitol, the lone tribute
    I do it for Peeta, I do it for Rue
    Snow, I am coming for you…
    It was just a matter of time
    Before the districts unified
    Kiss 3 fingers and I raise ’em in the sky
    Light up the Cannons like the Fourth of July

    Verse 2:
    I liked you better in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Now you entered the dragon’s lair tell Daenerys, this clown wanna be heir
    Be prepared….it’s off with the head
    The only snow I acknowledge is John…
    I bring the storm and the calm, the warning and the bomb…the scorn, and the palms,
    Cause you getting these blessings, touch my robes and my dressings, when I spin, fires catching, and im flexing
    A lesson of power, energy driven

    nightlock in motion, poisonous thoughts given/ we be rulers of the sewers, I slay

    Tributes and gamemakers congruent,

    I may be new to this, I’m true to this, Convert Believers to Judas’s, Grabbing they crucifix, recruiting crews from district two but couldn’t bruise a rib, breaking bread amongst pariahs, Snow don’t defy us, deny us, and we rise like Midas in the fire, the admirers, from afar, you can fool a few, but we know who you are…

    Protagonist for evangelists, in the midst of extravagance, pontificate with the magistrate, seven sacraments, recorded in laminate, organic…no contaminants, slaughtered objects inanimate, it’s dynamic when, Katniss settles into the atmos, I bequeath damages, destroy inhabitants, my stamina eradicates subordinates, I’m shooting off at the audience, Snow is inadequate, he spitting bloody flows, I’m the coagulant, no accident, harvest his parts just like cattle kids, slay the management with manuscripts, dismantle advocates, this rhythm be the catalyst, fuck being compassionate, I ain’t having it, I’m adamant, until you abandon the cabinet,

    Crop ‘em like photoshop, put a sock in ’em, Put a fork in it, I’m dangerous as coat hanger abortionists, Vex Populi your corpses kid, Pull a arrow out of my corset and leave your organs in an orphanage

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    Beaker: Beat: 7 Raps: 9 Challenge: 8 WNNER BY DECISION
    this is what a battle track should be – delivery is passionate and hostile, aggressively delivering punch after punch, setting em up and knockin em down over and over. the hype and flavor lines are not over done and hit just right as the track transitions to the hook. the hook itself is effective and the harmonies add to the oldschool fight feel of the track. a more aggressive beat would have complimented this fire delivery but the shots still get through
    intro sample sets the tone for a solid, aggressive track that rides on a softer, subdued beat. the drum break is a solid loop but the dissonance on the lead synth is a little distracting. the beat works for the track but could have been more aggressive. i would also like to hear the beat drop on some of these fierce punches. same mix issues we’ve seen in previous rounds but the vocals sit nicely in the mix and are easy to hear and enjoy
    MC Lars: 9
    Awesome flow and beat. Great energy and references, I think the classical vibe on the beat works especially well. Great mix too.
    Richie: 9
    This team always comes thru with the bars… jesus christ. This brings me back to the golden age of hip-hop. Energy and delivery is perfect. Thought the vocalist’s energy was fire. Dangerous as coat-hanger abortionists… damn, lol. I liked the hook too, though it takes away from the viciousness of the verses.
    head bobber of a beat, love the sample and how it’s flipped. Drums could slap just a tad harder. Vocals sound good, maybe just a tad more high-pass filter on the doubles in the hook, to reduce muddiness. Otherwise, I’m digging this.
    Public: 9

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    01. An Educated Man (The Shining - A Jack diss)

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    An Educated Man lyrics

    You know what I like about you jack?
    You’re an educated man
    Yes, an educated man
    Seems to always have a plan
    An educated man stood
    where others often fled
    He keeps his family in check
    And does his dealings with the dead
    So I wish you luck, Jack
    You broke an arm––
    I meant a leg
    Like mr Grady
    Who broke his while falling down the steps
    An educated man, I trust,
    Would be more aware
    You’ve always been the caretaker here,
    So take care

    You don’t shine
    No, you barely got a shimmer
    On top of that, you’re lacking in managerial timber
    But I can’t let you go, no
    we’re snowed in for the winter
    So I’ll stay inside your brain
    until your psyche starts to splinter

    You came here for reasons
    That you recently don’t remember
    I’ll keep playing you like a puppet
    Thinking you’re getting your life together

    Well, The king is back!
    Drinks are on the house
    So hail caesar!
    got a bodycount
    kingsman playing freebird
    the grinch, your the grouch
    your an ebenezer
    No shame in no shine
    Your a non believer
    Who couldn’t quite make it as a prep school teacher
    out in colorado catching cabin fever
    monsters out of men
    Your my upcoming creature

    You need to stop
    You don’t need to think
    I know you too well–
    You could kill for a drink
    Can’t turn to your doc and wendy
    They’re leaving you empty
    I’m feeding you plenty
    I’m keeping you nice and safe–
    You want to make good on your play–
    Make a book about the overlook
    And Get all the money and acclaim–

    get a grip on that roque mallet
    You can’t let him be in room 217
    Give Danny his medicine
    you can’t let him breathe
    Make sure it stings

    Like a wasp on his palm
    Defending his castle
    But meaning him harm
    The venom that seeps in,
    Transferred to blood
    From the bug to a package of meak skin
    Behold, the birth of a demon
    To take hold
    On the curious,
    Your inffected
    as that sting goes on unattended
    in so much hurt,
    So disrespected
    That pain don’t fade with a little excedrin
    No one’s here for you,
    Not even your bredrin’
    So open u your heart and let me set in

    Do you know the difference
    Between a king and a pawn,
    One is the one who’s running things
    And the other is you
    Doing your job.
    Take care of your wife and son
    So the party can keep going
    We’ll just be flowing on
    With that red rum,
    Red as is comes
    For child abusing,
    Son of a gun

    You want that red rum,
    Red rum,

    (Red rum)
    I know you wanted to taste it
    (Red rum)
    The clock is ticking,
    Don’t let them waste it
    (Red rum)
    First Danny, then George Hatfield
    (Red rum)
    Can you imagine how good that would feel?
    (Red rum)
    One martini fresh off the wagon
    (Red rum)
    Kill some Martians,
    Then chase some dragons
    (Red rum)
    I know you wanted to taste it
    (Red rum)
    The clock is ticking,
    Don’t let them waste the red rum

    We’re talking about a man whose burnt every bridge he ever built
    Bit every hand that tried to feed him
    And won’t be missed when he is killed
    His wife stabbed him in the back
    But not before he
    Came back like Voorhees
    And pretty much started a war
    He could never win
    Won’t step one foot in a 4 season’s

    So run little jack
    Runt of the pack
    Cut from the cloth of his dad
    Get drunk and attack
    You had a chance to escape
    But you didn’t take it
    Heard you talking to Grady,
    I know your racist
    You’re one of us now
    you can take your places
    Take that roque mallet
    and bash your face in
    It’s a pity your stupidity
    Meant that
    Everything burned
    The lesson I learned:
    To face facts
    even at your darkest,
    there was still a flicker
    But know matter your you do,
    you’ll still be a dog kicker
    and even in the end
    You still came out pretentious
    Your not worth the trouble you caused
    Should’ve fed you to my hedges

    Educated man
    Educated man
    Educated man

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    Beaker: Beat: 6 Raps: 6 Challenge: 6
    bars are solid but the flow and delivery let down the punches. the verses have some solid hits but the verse is better – specifically because its delivered with a bit more action than the verses are. lyricism is top tier but loses its fire in the deadpan delivery.
    opening up with an unmistakable sample and dropping in to a flat, minimal beat with soft rock elements that almost remind me of phil collins playing over mark oldfield – the beat is solid and could work for a battle track but it requires an aggressive delivery to walk over the brass stabs that fill out the verses. the mix is alright – drums could use a boost and vocals are a little low, but so is everything else creating a sense of balance anyway. not bad, but not great.
    MC Lars: 7
    I like the flow a lot, but I think the vocals could be louder and mixed a bit better. Creative take on this story, and I like the quick / choppy flow. Also, the sample of the theme is really good
    Richie: 7.5
    i like the lyrics on this one. felt the flow could be a ltitle more in the pocket rhymically at certain points, but otherwise I enjoyed the flow on this one. The energy could be a bit more elevated at certain points. (adlibs, could help with that)
    Loved the sample, felt the beat was decent, but could use more during the verses, it felt a bit empty at times. Things pick up during the “red rum” refrain, I really enjoyed the production during that part. Vocals sound good.
    Public: 8

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    01. 10/6 (Eat Me Mix) (Alice in Wonderland - A Mad Hatter diss)

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    Was on my way to the tent
    When I saw a white rabbit
    Monocle fixed on his
    Pocket watch with a panic
    Stopped dead in my tracks
    Face all cock-eyed
    Fresh ingredients
    That I need for my pot pie
    He ran for his hole
    And started to chase
    Grabbed onto his tail
    And downward we sailed.
    Woke up on the ground
    Not sure how I got here
    Threw back my blonde locks
    Like my name’s Heather Locklear
    Took in my surroundings
    Something out of a fable

    On the table was
    A grand buffet of treats
    Hobo looking dude with a hat
    Asked me to have a seat
    At my place was a tart
    With a card that said eat me
    I took a bite
    Raspberry filling
    It was really quite nice
    Nasty old man checked me out
    It was gross
    Hat said 10 over 6
    More like a three at the most
    He lifted up his tea
    Like he was giving a toast
    Flashed a wide smile
    Pretty sure I saw mold
    Put a hand on my arm
    It was clammy and cold

    Think it’s time for me
    To find that rabbit and go
    After I finish this Mandarin scone
    Cat gave me a pie
    His eyes opened on the crust
    Finished in like two bites
    It was tasty as
    Living it up like my name was Paul or Prue
    Won’t see you next week hatter
    Cause these rolls are under-proved
    And those muffins have a dry crumb
    Creme patisserie is runny
    pain chocolate is raw
    Stop laughing, this shit ain’t funny.

    Yo bunny, let’s go homey, you gotta give me that scone recipe.

    Don’t know what’s going on
    Like I fell in a fairy tale
    They’ll party till Dawn
    Around the table like a carousel
    Be wise
    They’ll try to tempt you
    With their tasty treats
    But they won’t let you leave

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    Beaker: Beat: 10 Bars: 7 Challenge: 7 WINNER BY TKO
    sticking with their vpc team we get another bbs inspired take on the challenges. really tightly done, smooth delivery and a laidback style make this feel less like a battle track and more like a diss track youd find on the bsides of an album. the bars are solid and the hook is nice but there werent any super hard punches or callouts – nothing at the expected level of brutality at least
    this beat is superb – one of the best beats of the round. its crisp, thumps and the samples really embrace the spirit of the challenge. the string lead creates a very appropriate soundscape for an alice in wonderland track. the track overall needs a tighter master and mixing on the quick snares in v2 needs work, but overall this is one of my favorite beats of the round
    MC Lars: 8
    What a beat! What a hook! Great approach on this winner of a classic. Amazing mix too.
    Richie: 7
    I thought the flow and vocal delivery were solid. Lyrically, this felt a lot more like a story more than a diss track. It seems more “how i met the Hatter” than “how I want feel about the Hatter”.
    Okay, I’m fucking with that sample…very nice. Beat’s got a nice, healthy bassline that sits well in the mix. I feel this team is improving their mixing with each round. Vocals are crisp, doubles could be just a bit lower in the mix, but otherwise, dope.
    Public: 8.5

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    01. Go Fish (The Little Mermaid - An Ariel diss)
    1up Funk

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    Pre Chorus:

    I’m Sebastian the crab I’m the royal vizier
    started from the bottom feeding, now were here
    working for the king has got me feeling pretty bitter
    I’m a symphonic composer not a fucking babysitter


    trying to get up out of the abyss


    so you bought a pair of legs from a witch


    now your trying to get a kiss from a prince


    never going to get your wish, you a bitch


    Verse 1:

    You’re the daughter of king Triton everything in your life’s been handed to you
    you want to be a human but don’t have a clue do what’ll be demanded of you
    you’ve got a new bottom with a poor and unfortunate twist
    I hope prince Eric likes the flavor of a catfish

    drooling over humans like a lost little puppy
    your crew is a half wit seagull and a guppy
    hanging in the ocean bet your pipes a little rusty
    and you couldn’t seal the deal with a sign that says “Eric Shut up and fuck me”

    Pre Chorus:

    I’m Sebastian the crab I’m the royal vizier
    started from the bottom feeding, now were here
    working for the king has got me feeling pretty bitter
    I’m a symphonic composer not a fucking babysitter


    trying to get up out of the abyss


    so you bought a pair of legs from a witch


    now your trying to get a kiss from a prince


    never going to get your wish, you a bitch


    Verse 2:

    starving for attention got your little life ruined
    your were giving three days and still you couldn’t woo him
    never would have wanted you if you didn’t pursue him
    he wouldn’t know your name if I never said it to him

    instead of trying to kiss him, you tried to pet a horse
    you fucked up at the dinner, and combed your hair with a fork
    so when he whips it out you better know its not a Snarfblatt
    you wanna win him over better learn how to scarf that (eat that dick)


    you’ll never be a part of their world, your a mermaid
    daddy gave you everything you traded it to get laid
    selling out your family for a chance to be noticed
    giving up your voice for a romantic slow kiss

    bartered with a demon for a princes admiration
    acting like a child got the sea witch re awakened
    jeopardized the ocean and your own civilization
    caught up in emotion got your daddies soul taken

    Pre Chorus:

    I’m Sebastian the crab I’m the royal vizier
    started from the bottom feeding, now were here
    working for the king has got me feeling pretty bitter
    I’m a symphonic composer not a fucking babysitter


    trying to get up out of the abyss


    so you bought a pair of legs from a witch


    now your trying to get a kiss from a prince


    never going to get your wish, you a bitch


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    Beaker: Beat: 6 Bars: 7 Challenge: 5 WINNER BY TKO
    I have some feels on this track and after the huge success that was Chupacabra I felt almost let down by the approach 1up funk took with this challenge. I dont really want a faked accent but Sebastian has some signature styles and moves that were all missing here. Technically the delivery is on point, bars are well crafted and there are some punches in there, but if the idea was to rap in character then this was a bit off base. The good news is that 1up funk was shadow boxing this round and walks away with a win by TKO
    This team had a wealth of referential material from disney including some excellent songs and compositions from the films and video games but we are missing that here. The elements that make sebastian a memorable character arent here for me and I think taking a darker, more aggressive approach to this track might have been the wrong choice. The beat is solid, and there is some nice composition in here, but this challenge almost demands a moomba/big room/carribian beat like literally every song hes had across the franchise. otherwise the mix is solid. vocal fx are well executed and the composition is good.
    MC Lars: 7
    I think the melodic chorus is awesome, but the mixing of the vocals is a bit rough. I think they could benefit from having a better mic, but it’s a funny and original take on a classic!
    Richie: 8
    thought the flow was aggressive and cool. Lyrically, the song is definitely in-character, though I’m not as sure about that when it comes to the delivery. I thought the hook was very catchy, which is par the course for this team.
    beat is cool, but I feel this challenge almost begged for an “under the sea” sample flip, lol. kick could be a bit more pronouced. vox sound straight.
    Public: 9

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    01. STFU Bird, I'm Tryna Masturbate (The Raven - A Raven diss)
    Bleak N Mild

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    -The bird really likes to Carry on (Carrion)-

    Feasting on dead names- staring into dead space

    I was tryna fap in peace with these Japanese

    Hentai cartoons but you’re killing me-

    Why don’t you let me sleep- I feel like Bill Dotrive

    From my thoughts of my lost lenoire-

    But I really can’t seem- to find my ease

    Cause you’re rapping at my motherfuckin door

    Take a fatal leap- you winged creep- go back to MD with the rest of your lame bitches

    -Your whole team sucks and We don’t have any business now get up and leave

    I was voiced by a white wizard- in my best Incarnation face it-

    You’re a pint sized Lee wannabe- cause truth be told you’re not a crow you’re a raven

    …and Don’t look for Trigon- I hate to say it but your daddy can’t help you-

    I need a new feather in my cap- Whachu think Lil bird

    You really wanna make the next move?

    And it really is disgraceful- you did fuck all in like 42 pages

    -And I don’t think you can make it- try to battle me and end up locked in a cage (bitch)

    …I’m the voice that’s guides

    You’re a scared little bird loves to skulk and hide

    -Seem like you can only say one word-

    You a Pokémon, word? you can get these verbs!

    Thunderbolt you till your still forms smoking-

    ..Use smog- till you fall down choking

    Then guillotine- decapitating a Corviknight

    Am I the Cops? Cause I’mma make some black orphans tonight

    Black cover- this battles over- you were cooked since you came to the awning- fawning- creeping- bother me when I could be sleeping- or beating off- its tragic that your life was so fleeting…

    Let’s take this to the street- just you and me- I know you want this beef- And we,

    Can’t squash this- we have the same disease-

    -The craving for victory…

    no ties no lies just an execution

    Uppercut Thunder punch and electrocution-

    My own damn demons made me do it-

    Maybe in your next life you won’t be so useless

  • addJudge scores

    Beaker: Beat: 7 Bars: 7 Challenge: 7
    bleak and mild have a very noticable upward trajectory in this vpc and what i mean by that is that as a team they are clearly imrpoving each and every round. this time around we get a well metered, confidently delviered diss track with clever references and decent word play.
    really nice buildup and intro work – the beat is smooth and jazzy but suffers from a very crowded low end. the bass lead needs some serious work to fit in the mix but otherwise the composition is solid. the lead sample fits nicely and carries a smoking parlor like feel that compliments the source material and challenge requirements.
    MC Lars: 7
    I wish this material weren’t so dear to my heart. I do like the references and creative take and the rapper is awesome, I would have liked more references to the original, but all and all not bad!
    Richie: 7.5
    love the energy on the vocal delivery. Definitely sounds like it was performed by a pissed off dude trying to get some fucking sleep. felt like the flow could be a bit more on point in a few places. Adlibs would be helpful in spaces where there are large pauses in between words. Bars were really delightful.
    beat is FUEGO. bassline is a bit overbearing in the mix, but i dig what the producer was aiming for. Vocals sound clear, but very harsh on the high-end.
    Public: 6.5

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    01. Nevermore (The Raven - A Narrator diss)

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    Being a bird of many words ain’t in my character
    But I was just curious you know, flew into your area
    You looked shook, head slumped over a book, you weren’t aware that
    I was peeking through the window, getting some info on a Narrator
    Your caliber, bust into your palace sitting
    On your Bust of Pallas, getting a glimpse of a man so fucking enamored with
    A lady, crazy how you chant Lenore, it’s embarrassing
    You aching, waiting for me to give answers to your ramblings
    You get to hating? Saying I’m an avian ass, a taloned terrorist?
    Maybe you’re just saying life’s bad and hope I mirror it
    Maybe you’re too lazy to grasp a life ahead of this
    I let you squawk your shit and sit back, bro i’m your therapist
    How does that make you feel? You think what you say is real
    A melancholy mended by a pretty girl?
    You want to stay in a shitty state, so i open my beak to say
    a simple word to help cement your shitty world

    (Nevermore) Will the good appear
    (Nevermore)Will the curses clear
    (Nevermore)Will you persevere
    (Nevermore)One word will be right here and that’s
    (Nevermore)Will you meet your spouse
    (Nevermore)Will you sort things out
    (Nevermore)Will I leave your house

    You’re such a Sadboi, but I dunno if that shit’s fully your fault
    Our divine creator seasoned up your sorrow with his own salt
    He often lived out of his element, his colors cobalt
    Your inability to step forward was just how Poe walked
    So Edgar I come rapping but I’m not gonna be gentle
    I broke down your crap creation, time to squawk to you a little
    (Squawk) You addicted to the gambling, just rambling
    an alcoholic man just telling tales, but heart is what you lacking
    See your peers didn’t fuck with you, you smeared em just to get the bread
    Your mom didn’t fuck with you , she died and judged you from the dead
    Your stepdad didn’t fuck with you, he saw you as stupid kid
    I guess nobody in this world fucked with you. Wait, your cousin did!
    Victoria, was your chosen one
    But i’m pretty sure there were older ones
    You write horror stories, super dark and gory
    So you got a thing for your flesh and blood
    But rest in peace, she was a nice woman
    I hope you rest in peace cuz in life you couldn’t
    I’m the Raven, just a bird of omen
    So I hope you saw this burn coming like squuuuuawk

    [Chorus] x2

  • addJudge scores

    Beaker: Beat: 8 Bars: 8 Challenge: 8 WINNER BY TKO
    awesome approach to another difficult to define character that needs battling. its hard to compartmentalize the characters in poes works, and the raven is no different. what we lack in attack bars and punches the team makes up for with deep cuts and introspective bars trying to turn the tables on the narrator. it works and the track flows with a fun to listen to pace, with a few punchlines catching you off guard. not really a battle track with another character but with the self.
    i love everything about this beat – great instrument and kit selection, very nice mix and master. this beat sounds professionally polished and the sampling rounds out a great drop in to the hook. vocal fx on the hook are very nice as well – sounds very clean and fits in to the track nicely. its hard to find good sample material for older works but the production quality on this track fills in the gaps nicely. the doubleup work and vocal work in verse 2 is stand-out work. you could spin this beat at any underground battle. very nice
    MC Lars: 9
    Amazing flow and concept. Maybe this was an easier project, taking the raven’s perspective, but it’s funny and the beat is awesome. Love this one.
    Richie: 9
    another round, another catchy song from this vocalist. flow during the verses are fucking tight. Hook is an earworm.
    this beat is delightfully dark. Love the swing on this one. Vocals sound rich. Good execution of vocal samples.
    Public: 9.5

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    01. A Prayer For Nancy (American Gods - A Mr Nancy diss)

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    Hey what can I say
    We both wanted the same thing
    But you didn’t have your own day of the week
    To remain king
    If you’re so good at shapeshifting
    Why did you not rebrand yourself
    I suspect your limitations were your downfall
    You’re a greedy hothead
    My legacy is not dead
    And It never will be
    There will still be quite a lot said
    But until you trick the Sky Father
    Who by the way is me dude
    Your time is up and now you’re just
    Down sleeping with the seafood
    Perhaps if you hadn’t let your little anger
    Get the best of you
    You could’ve kept the con on
    But they’ve sauteed the rest of you
    What a tangled web you’ve woven
    Made your own bed
    You’ve chosen
    Finally laid to rest
    Don’t worry
    Your loyal followers I will ingest
    And I say this not in jest
    Just in case you were worried
    That your lost sheep would be left
    Untended after you scurried away
    To hide your stories in a hollow gourd
    They will not be ignored
    But will be driven toward the Lord
    Yours Truly

    Let’s all say a prayer for Anansi
    Noticed I said for and not to
    And to all of his loyal followers
    Mr. Wednesday will take care of you
    Let’s all say a prayer for Anansi
    But now please join with me we must unite
    For the battle of the old gods is not over
    Burn an offering for me so we can fight

    I mean who do you think I am though
    Seriously I applaud you
    Maybe if you keep at it
    Someday you’ll be a god too
    I never tire of the fire you inspire
    by being doomy
    But I prefer to heed the words
    Of the great poet Rumi
    Let go of your anger
    It may taste sweet but it kills
    It’s fine to stoke the fire of shadow men
    But to harbor it within
    You’ll only end up like the djinn
    Half-men not full gods
    Like All-father the All-knower
    Dude you’re just a death loa

    Let’s all say a prayer for Anansi
    Noticed I said for and not to
    And to all of his loyal followers
    Mr. Wednesday will take care of you
    Let’s all say a prayer for Anansi
    But now please join with me we must unite
    For the battle of the old gods is not over
    Burn an offering for me so we can fight

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    Beaker: Beat: 8 Bars: 8 Challenge: 9
    A low and slow delivery lets these diss bars simmer as the heat climes toward what is probably the best diss (in context) for the round. this was an inch away from an old school gospel throwdown and I can hear it in my head. Punches are solid but the real fire for this produce is hte message in its entirety – short on savage but big on deep cuts.
    what a huge beat – that guitar lead and bass drone combine to make an eerie and dark soundscape that lets coolzey work his naturally love and harmonic voice carrying right in to the sung hook. fx work and sampling are clean and blend in to the track effortlessly – a little tighter mix around the vocals is my only complaint on an otherwise very well produced trck that hits the targets for the challenges
    MC Lars: 8
    Love the guitar line, I think the vocals get a bit buried and could be mixed better, but love the performance.
    Richie: 8.5
    digging the multis in these lyrics. felt the flow was great, although the vocal delivery gets a bit monotone at times during the verses. i thought the hook was cool, definitely catchy. felt the talking part ran a bit too long, but it’s not a major problem. Good shit.
    dat sample…FLAMES. This beat slaps… that bassline is rich AF. Sheesh… beat gives me Eminem production vibes. felt the vox could be a bit louder, most noteably when the guitar parts come in later.
    Public: 8

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    01. Closed Wednesday (American Gods - A Mr Wednesday diss)

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    Grimnir, here, was glorious.
    The blood God of horde of Ice cold warriors
    Believe it. Ole Bragi used to be a chieftain
    A crown without equal.
    To some hairy white people.
    Odin, you freeloading, Flea-woven Tree-totting scab.
    You jaw-flapping, back-stabbing, Deadbeating dad.
    The “All-Father” get you burned like hibachis
    Sold his own son to the Nazis for chotchkies.
    Fair warning. I’m spinning and weaving a tale at the podium
    Putting the fear of a God in the masses and call it arachnophobia.
    I’ve had it with all of your babbling, “better when we were the head of it” bullshit
    Instead of a battle, i’m rousing the rabble with silk and a delicate toolkit.
    That’s for sewing seeds when the prayers stop
    There won’t be a sacrifice to keep the coals hot.
    He’s the Old god pissing in the nursing home pot.
    Kidney stones ripping through him, that’s the ragnarok.

    Monday, Tuesday, go by fast
    Thursday, Friday, I don’t crash
    Saturday, Sunday, I make it last…
    But Wednesday can kiss my ass.

    Grimnir puts the rune in prune juice.
    Watch him turn a situation “lose – lose”
    Only gets love from some goons in jackboots, alt right assholes, and
    Slavs in tracksuits. Whoo.
    This conniving-ass, leather-faced antique cyclops.
    Spin thread that cut through his plan` like sidewalks
    Stuck up on the dry dock, formally the Viking high King
    Now there’s no blood spill, he’s tied off.
    Slept on. Votan, here’s an idea
    We can rebrand you a bed from IKEA.
    You scum kraut, more eyes on U than an umlaut,
    seen the way you hide behind your Shadow like the sun’s out.
    Seen the way you snake oil rattle “bring the guns out”
    Sure as time winds down, you’re the one running out
    through the back door like a child flee chores.
    The Eight legged freak shoving seven up yours.

  • addJudge scores

    Beaker: Beat: 10 Bars: 9 Challenge: 9 WINNER BY DECISION
    I did a little research to get familiar with AG and the characters and Im glad I did because there are multiple meta references and deep call outs in this track. while delivered more like a diss track than a battle track the punches land repeatidly with a solid hook to put a bow on it.
    this beat is haunting and groovy and another great fit for the source and challenge. the bass line acts as the lead accented by a junky garage kit that creates exactly the type of groove I would have expected… I didnt know it was perfect until I heard it and the sampling further helps the simple comp stand out. all the right buttons got pushed here with a very clean mix and final product
    MC Lars: 8
    Great character and mix. Amazing production and energy and story telling. I love how the beat stops and starts so you can really hear the rapping. Awesome work.
    Richie: 10
    this shit sounds like it came straight from Mr. Nancy’s mouth. Vocal delivery was FLAMES. Bars solid. The vocal performance on this might be the best in the round, TBH. 8 legged freak shoving 7 up yours, dam that’s a lot of ass kicking, lol.
    This beat is great. Little attention to details, like beat drops, fills, and extra percussive elements keep this interesting. good use of glitch effects when introducing that talking vocal sample at the end. I have no complaits on the production at all, vox sound good too.
    Public: 9

That was a lotta heckin teams, huh??

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    01. Chupacabra
    1up Funk

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    02. Where's Your Spirit
    1337 G33K B33F

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    03. Rise Squad
    Bleak n Mild

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    04. LOU (Life Or Undeath)
    Class 1-A

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    05. Baking Nightmares (Bloody Mary Mix)

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    06. Mistreated

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    07. Don't Move
    DJ John Acosta + Tanjint Wiggy

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    08. Welcome to the Life of Walter Henry Sherman
    Double Analog

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    09. Desu Desu
    Flaming Arrows

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    10. The Bunker

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    11. Helevator

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    12. Cleetus
    Kaiju No Uta

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    13. Hemoglobin Goblin

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    14. Behind Me

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    15. Halloween Date
    Literal Black Magic

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    16. We're The Monsters
    Mundane Monsters

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    17. Attack of the Nerds
    Mystic Shadow

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    18. Blood Money
    Not Dead Yet

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    19. Stuck In the Game

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    20. Tumbling into DashCon (Never Forget)
    Pinky and the Mancubus

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    21. Ghost With the Most
    Primal Winds

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    22. Night of the Mask ( La Muerte De Chupacabra )

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    23. Wake Up
    Sailor Doom

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    24. Curiosity Killed The VPC Contestant
    Saints of San Secuestro

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    25. Come On Down

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    26. Symphony of Lost Souls
    Sleeping Dragon

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    27. Murder On the Radio
    Some of BType

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    28. BAE

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    29. Mixtape Man

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    30. A Sexy Halloween (Good Gravy!)
    Spandex Moose

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    31. Wifi Dead Inside
    Team Kokoro

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    32. Game Of Horrors
    Team Titans

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    33. R.I.P. In Pieces
    Thot Team Epic

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    34. In With the Rain

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    35. Dead By Daylight
    White Hippy

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    36. Childhood Home

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    37. The Visitor

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    38. House of Zero

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